One of my dearest girlfriends quit last October, on her own and cold turkey, her husband pretty much gave her an ultimatum, since he hates smoking and she didn't smoke when they met, since then she has been a closet smoker for over 10yrs.
She silently suffered through her withdrawls because she didn't want her hubby to know exactly how much she had been smoking. He knew she smoked , in fact he hated it when we hung out, because she always would with me. But he didn't know she continuously smoked multiple daily. I suspect she may have been around 1/2 a pack a day and more when she travelled.
What a horrible way to quit, on your own, for someone else, and no one to be proud of you, because your partner assumes you should have never smoked in the first place. I didn't appreciate her quit because I was still smoking, so I wasn't that great of a friend, except I wouldn't let her take a puff while I was smoking....hmmm I cared enough not to let her take a puff, but not enough to leave the room....what a friend! Anyhow, I have told her a million times since my quit how proud i am of her and I am celebrating with her now. But here is something I discovered the other day about the differences in our quits......
So she is 8 months into her quit. They went to the river last weekend and she was telling me the other night that she did good with her quit, but she had 2 puffs of another friend's cig....which could likely mean multiple.
And it hit me.....our quits are different.
She is quit, but because she needs to be for someone else. She will always have the secret battle in her mind, her demon will always be there, silently waiting, until she makes this quit for her, he will always have a bit of life. She will always secretly dream. since she was a closet smoker, this secret is something she is accustomed to. I wonder when no one is looking, does she still temp herself think about it? She is proud of her quit. Her husband told her when she was smoking, even if she washes her hands, brushes teeth and washes her hair, he can still smell it, because it comes from the inside! that scared her, and likely enough to keep her quit....but the demon....he still lives...he still negotiates...he still waits...
My friend told me about her puff and I just listened and went with it, because she wasn't looking for judgement, she was confessing to get it off her chest because I am the only she tells.
But I was thinking inside, "ahh poor thing, you have no idea you just fed your demon, you just gave him a bit of life, and he will whisper to you everytime you are near another smoker....!" I have tried to talk with her about this community, and how it has helped me. My friends that have known me as a smoker still don't believe, they are in complete shock. My quit is strange because I swore I never would quit and my friends all knew it! I owe so much to this site and the people and also myself for using these tools and friends to make this quit work!! To make it strong!
I have tried to explain to my friend how her quit needs to be for her, and how she won't master it unless it is. And then she just looks at me confused, sort of like, "why are you doubting me, I have quit, what more can I give".....we all know that feeling....that, "geesh, I've sacrificed my cigs, what else do you possibly want from me"......as long as an ex-smoker keeps that thinking during their quit, they are not truly QUIT....not to themselves.
They will always feel the temptation...until you make your quit for YOU, decide NOT to smoke for YOU!......it will just be a continuing CHRONIC BATTLE! The demon will live....
My quit is for me, I have discovered this amazing community here, I have amazing friends and support and we have all studied and discussed this demon, and never ever take a puff, and counting days and working up our quit and talking through it. I believe today, my demon is dead! I didn't think I would be able to say that. But he is dead. I am quit, for me, and I LOVE IT! This one pack a day for 21 years DEMON is DEAD! I am proud to say I like him dead, I don't miss him at ALL!
Just my 2 cents for the day!!!
Day 51 today! Wow, who would have ever thought, me, Gina...51 days into a quit with no smokes! People told me around 50 days I would find myself not thinking about smoking hardly at all. In my frist week or two and even week 3, I was thinking, Ya right! I will always think about smoking, I will just get stronger in my quit and be able to handle it.
But really, I find I don't think about it much at all, I would even venture to say less than once a day lately. The "tinge" comes...but as we discussed in earlier blogs, it's just a tinge of needing to "do" something. The crochet hobby is helping(Thanks Nikki!!), although I am very compulsive person...so I can't just do something for fun...pick it up and drop it....I find myself working on it for hours at a time....but it's busy work and it feels good.
On a side note..... I'm sorry to my friends here, I hung out with my boys over the weekend and between watching my parent's dog while they are out of town and this wonderful new hobby Nikki got me into, I haven't had much time to login! Although I am 9 rows into what may hopefully turn into an afghan...!! We shall see! But thanks my dear friends for checking on me, I didn't mean to make you worry!! I missed you too!
