Hi everyone. I'm still going strong at 163 days now. I've been hardly thinking about smoking most days now. Last week there were a couple of times, though where i had the feeling of not exactly wanting to smoke but a slight tinge of nostalgic thinking tried to push its way into my consciousness. But I was aware of it being junkie thinking and i brushed it off. I did have my biggest trigger go off a few days ago. My wife has been working a new job, first time back working since kids were born ten years ago. She loves the job and having her own thing and I'm happy for her for it - and the extra income is nice too. However, the dual roles of working and being a parent and the never ending grind of being a working parent caught up with her last Friday. She was tired and cranky and started taking it out on me. I was very frustrated and got defensive and we both got surly with each other. But in that moment, across from her at the kitchen counter I got that same knee jerk reaction I've had many times in the past - a feeling that no matter what, I can't win, and then the fight response switched over to a flight response and thoughts of going out and smoking started to creep up into my thoughts all at once. However rather than be taken over by the feelings, I recognized it and acknowledged it. I was able to think about the feelings that were arising. I knew what this was. It was the flight response kicking in and the long associated smoking that went along with it led to thoughts of a desire to smoke. Being able to see it, I was able to push the feelings away. I grabbed my Ribiks Cube and began solving it. That is one thing I've been doing for the last couple of weeks which has helped to distract from the thinking of smoking. In my mind I reminded myself that if I needed to I could take off and go to the gym and run off I needed to. That has been the savior of my quit the last two times my wife and I had an argument during this quit. But I didn't need it. I just told myself that I knew what was going on. She was tired and frustrated and, yes, she was taking it out on me and it wasn't fair. I told myself, just because she is saying these things doesn't mean they are true. It is just her feelings and the stories going on in her head. I didn't have to let myself get pulled into that in that moment. What she needed was a day to just work it out on her own. Some rest and some space. So, I decided just to give her some space and to help her through it by giving her what she needed, even though it seemed petty and unfair. Well, the result was that it diffused the situation and by Saturday afternoon we were good again and more importantly, I didn't smoke, I didn't had thoughts of smoking for very long and I had demonstrated to myself that I could overcome those triggers and actually deal with the conflict with my wife in a more productive and effective way. It's still not perfect but I am learning how to deal with both the nicotine associated thoughts that come up in this type of situation as well as with the interpersonal conflict. I'm learning that I don't need to respond in this situation with either fight or flight. Instead I can stand up for myself, empathize with her, and help her to work through her own feelings. By giving in this situation, I also win. So, I don't need to run off and have negative thoughts about her, the marriage or myself, or wallow in self pity while chain smoking away. I can just deal with the problem and not make it more than it really is or act like it's insurmountable and a sign that all is wrong and miserable..today we had a wonderful day together and things are all good. And I'm not smoking and things are better because of that!
I'm more committed than ever to NTAP!
