I want to share yesterday with you all and to do that I need to add in some background information over what has transpired across the last several months. As everyone knows the economy, in my opinion being based on blind consumerism and Wal-Mart mentality, is in the shitter so to speak. Many people are out of work and many more have taken significant reductions and concessions. I have not escaped the effects and as a result I have taken to date a 22.5% reduction without any significant decrease in workload. So the money flow SUCKS and my work is still the same! It is irritating as hell and I could very easily start bashing the investors, senior management, and lawmakers and then start calling them all sorts of mean and nasty things. They might actually deserve it! Does that do me any good at all? NOPE!
So I have an ongoing irritation as does everyone else..............Have you folks noticed what industries ARE APPARENTLY NOT in recession? I might be wrong but at least the numbers and reports would seem to indicate that alcohol and tobacco hasn't slipped. YET! Hmmmmmmm? I wonder why? Addiction is some powerful stuff and the HUMAN EMOTIONAL NEED FOR COMFORT is at the root of it all. Even when folks NEED MONEY they will FALSELY attempt to derive that comfort through using......WHATEVER they have come to believe gives them relief. BUT IT DOES NOT WORK! It never has and it never will! That is where my head is TODAY!
Now yesterday I find that the starter on my pickup truck is beat. Kaput! I have to replace it and I don't really have the money to have a garage do it! I can do the job just fine but I don't particularly want to. IT SUCKS! I'm getting irritated even more! So I crawl under the beast and I bust my knuckles and I get the damned starter out of the truck. I jump online and I find that the damned thing is even MORE that I thought AND THEY DON'T HAVE THE FRIGGIN THING IN STOCK! NICE! $129.00 for the part alone forget my labor. Greasy, smelling, stinking, busted knuckles, and I can't get the part! SHIT! I'm fu%&ing pissed!
So I'm covered in grease and dirty sweat feeling really pissed off. I go to jump in the shower for some relief...You know, wholesome and good for you non-destructive RELIEF.....What the fu%&? Water pressure is acting all weird and erratic! Down stairs I go to check the water system. The breaker is on and pump works but there is something strange because the pump keeps kicking on and off when the water is running. DAMN.....the bladder holding tank is the culprit. SON-OF-A-BITCH! My wife isn't home and I have no ride because it's on ramps in the driveway with parts torn out of it! Another online check and the bladder tank is in stock at the local home supply store and this fu%&ing thing is $117.00.
ALRIGHTY THEN!.....NOW I'M REALLY PISSED and there isn't shit I can do about it! EMOTIONS are running high and hot and it ain't sexy folks! I don't want to cry...hell no! I want to stomp some poor innocent fool into the earth and make my pitiful ass feel better! Oh shit! I WANT TO FEEL BETTER AND I WANT MY TROUBLES TO GO AWAY! Immediately I am recognizing some old patterns wanting to be awakened. That old junkie corpse I left laying buried there jams a hand up out of the earth and says "You know what to do!" Someone else hollers out of the past "It's because you don't have Jesus as your savior!" Still others blast off about "Why don't you listen?" and "If you mother was here what would she say?", "Look at you! You're all fu%&ed up again!", "You just can't get your shit together can you?" and on and on and on...................
WHOA! WHOA!.............................................HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!
Wrong answer jack! NONE OF THAT IS GOING ON! I am NONE OF THOSE! I am angry because there are a ton of things coming down ALL AT ONCE and IT SEEMS like things are out of control. In reality they are NOT out of control. They are completely NORMAL! They are not any big deal AT ALL. THEY ARE WHAT THEY ARE because they wouldn't have existed in the first place IF I HADN'T PUT THEM HERE! I am responsible for maintaining this! I AM! There is nothing abnormal about entropy and the breakdown of modern conveniences. I might have the right to be irritated at modern industry, business thinking, and ethics but that isn't getting solved here in my yard! Divinity did not wipe out my truck and pop a hole in the bladder of the pressure tank! Mom dying didn't have anything to do with the screwed up economy nor my perceptions and attitudes towards it all. THE BOTTOM LINE IS....................Jim is responsible for this and the way he feels about it all. Jim has FULL CONTROL over the whole of his own reactions to all of this SHIT! Armageddon has not arrived! Ragnarok is not approaching! Nothing is screwed up but the attitude to a perceived loss of control..............WHICH IS ALSO FALSE!
In reality I simply do not like what I have to do in these situations. I would rather spend my money on things that make me happy. I would rather spend my time on things that make me happy. Adding a bunch of medium size problems together makes for one hell of a day........BUT........BUT I KNOW MUCH BETTER! I just want to NOT FEEL WHAT I'M FEELING! I just want it to be cool and easy and have no troubles. THAT IS NOT A REALISTIC WANT OR EVEN DESIRE! THAT IS COMPLETELY UNREALISTIC AND THERE IS THE ROOT OF THE TROUBLES! THAT IS IT IN A NUTSHELL! WHEN YOU SEE THIS COMING UP BEWARE! THIS IS IT AS I KNOW IT ALL TO WELL!
Today I know that the parts for the truck will be in the store tomorrow and I will go get them and fix the damn thing. Today....after breaking the news to my wife.............who happens to manage our money very well......and the ensuing emotional reactions from that shit...............there is a NEW holding tank installed downstairs and the water is back to running just fine! Today I have taken that hot shower and I feel much better..............I didn't get drunk......I didn't get stoned.....I didn't beat the hell of some poor innocent fool.........AND I DIDN'T SMOKE A CIGARETTE! As a matter of fact I didn't even contemplate ACTING ON doing those things beyond the realization that in the past I would have used any one of the issues to justify my self destruction let alone ALL OF THEM at once.......... 🙂
Today I have my shit together............and I'm strutting around like a damn tom turkey in the springtime with my feathers all fluffed up........and I have every right to do that........because I overcame what turns out to be JUST NORMAL SHIT that will happen again...and again...and again.............my feathers are all fluffed up BECAUSE I KNOW I WILL HANDLE IT THE SAME WAY THE NEXT TIME AND IN THE END..................I'll be a better man for it! Not to mention my little one WILL LEARN HOW TO HANDLE THINGS CORRECTLY BY DIRECT OBSERVATION AND LEARNING!
IT DOES NOT GET ANY BETTER THAN THAT FOLKS! We need to learn to appreciate that!
