Sometimes I would get confused if I was having a COPD Flare Up or an Anxiety Attack especially after having Respiratory Failure 4 years ago. I would panic really quickly and my breathing would get really labored. I spent 5 days in the hospital to be sent home with 02 and inhalers. Every time I would get sick would worry and the symptoms would feel 2 x as strong. As time went on and learned to take some of my weight off - some of the labored breathing isn't as bad. I know I will never feel cured of having COPD. I the hard part is the mind tends to get frustrated as I cope with dealing with COPD every day. Take my inhalers daily except my rescue - don't leave home without my POC. Come home back on a concentrator. Sometimes I wish I could just walk way from all this. But this is my life now. It's not all anxiety but having a chronic illness some days is not an easy road to take. I try to smile and keep my chin up. There are days I just want to cry but I also know this is my reality. I know that there are others on this journey with me. There are just days I want the mind to shut down and laugh but I can't. Sometimes wonder if I am just too hard on me. I gave up smoking after the respiratory failure and had a few cigarettes after this point which is why my quit date don't match up this when I really hit rock bottom. Close to a year later in Aug I had the sleep study which told me I have obstructive sleep apnea as well. That was also why I was struggling so hard as my breathing would stop when I slept. Almost 4 years later you think I can handle all this and say this is my life. There are days I just get so upset and wish there was a restart button. Having help with both has made a difference for me and even with the anxiety baggage as well. Learning I have what they call an overlay and staying positive is not easy. Would it be okay to let the tears flow once in awhile? Stopping smoking has helped slowed down the progression of this chronic illness but it didn't cure me :-(. #thomas and copd
