Jennifer, you know ALL the reasons why you're gaining weight, and all the reasons how not to. All you need to do is DO IT.
Join a gym. Or if you don't want to take on that expense and commitment, go to thrift shops and get yourself exercise tapes, or there are follow along exercise programs I believe on cable tv, no? Start participating in those. Or take a Tai Chi class or something different, or not. Try step, or kick boxing, or get an exercise ball. The possibilities for exercise are limitless. I went out and bought this thing called ProGym in a Bag. It's three different strength stretch tubes. And it really is like having your own gym. You can do a billion different strengthening exercises with those silly thing. But that ain't gonna take off weight, it's just gonna tone you up. To take off weight you've gotta do aerobic type exercise. So get your butt back outside and walk/run/trot/skip/jump rope/trampoline/hop..... I exercise about five days a week. Two to three days I play tennis for 1-3 hours, and the other two days I'm either doing an hour of step, or stretch tubes, or free weights, or....
But the point is, just like with quitting smoking, you have to be disciplined. And discipline is hard. But there are ways to keep it up nonetheless. For instance yesterday I did NOT want to exercise AT ALL. Was tired, energyless and totally unmotivated. But I said "screw it!" "I'm gonna do SOMETHING. Maybe not an hour workout, but something easier. Just SOMETHING." And so I took one of my 30 minute step workouts (the tape AND the step itself I had gotten at thrift shops) and put the sneakers on and the shorts and the t-shirt and got the step out and DID IT. And it wasn't fun, and I didn't enjoy it. But what I did enjoy was after it was all over I could say, "I did it. I tried to lose weight. That's another day I exercised." And let me tell you, that alone was worth it. Whether I burned enough calories to take anything off was secondary to the satisfaction of knowing I'd DONE something. Ya know? And it was only 30 minutes.
Not all of us can afford to have life coaches and personal trainers. But we CAN all become our own personal trainers and life coaches. We have to go with that little faltering voice that wants to improve and build it up. That's all. That little voice that knows what's best for us. Say yes to it, encourage it and stop being afraid of the world DISCIPLINE.
But exercise is only part of the problem. We tend to put more food in our craw after we quit. I did. Food becomes a substitute. If you're gonna substitute food, then it's gotta be at least good for you, not sugar and potato chips and cr*p. I stuffed myself with salads, for instance.
I'm one that never ate breakfast. A cup of coffee and five cigarettes first thing when I woke up was it. Then snacking, grazing throughout the day and a HUGE dinner and not enough time to digest it. Bad, bad, bad. My husband just put an article on my desk: "Eating a healthy breakfast is amazingly effective at helping you lose weight, because it gets your metabolism going. Without breakfast your metabolic rate slows and your blood sugar drops, which causes you to reach for the sugary, starchy foods that offer a quick caloric punch but also leave you chunkier." Dr. Bob Arnot
So I'm forcing myself to eat some cereal for breakfast. HATE it. I don't put any sugar on it (most of those cereals have enough sugar in them) and just shove it down my throat as fast as possible. If that will help me lose weight - I'll friggin' do it! Aaargh.
They say portion control and calorie counting is where it's at. I've made myself more aware of the calories I eat and will deny myself something that's particularly high in calories. And I look at labels and compare calories of the stuff I buy. One brand of X vs another brand. I'll go for the lower caloric one. Portion control I'm having real trouble with. But I figure that will come in time. It's one step at a time here, just like in quitting.
You wanna feel good about yourself? Very simple. Go back outside. There's a new you waiting there for you. Venture forth. Take it one day at a time, just like with cigarettes. Don't make it bigger than it is. And experiment. Can you hoola hoop for instance? I was at physical therapy a while back and I saw a hoola hoop and thought, oh yeah, I used to do that. And put it around my waist only to discover I COULD NOT keep the dang thang up. You want exercise - go buy one of those. Play. Life can be playground or a gerbil wheel. Discover the playground.