DJ Murray (Donna)

[djmurray]

As John suggested, I am going to use this topic to "tell my story" and keep it up.  Feel free to comment.  Or not.

I do have to say that I had just written a really long blog (taking time periodically to check my work email since I'm working at home today) and when I went to post it I got an error message that I had timed out, and everything I wrote disappeared!  OH NO.  Here goes again.  I will make sure to copy what I write so I can paste it if the site times out.  For anyone who wants to write a long blog, take my advice -- copy it before you go to post it so that you don't lose what you've written.

I am struck by how similar my feelings about this diet are to the feelings I experienced in the early days of my quit.  I am proud of myself for recognizing that I can improve my breathing by losing this weight.  I'm proud of myself for wanting to make it easier for my lungs to work.  I was surprised after my quit that I was having so much trouble breathing, and thought I must have pretty serious COPD.  I went to the pulmonologist on February 9th and got the great news that I have really good lung function, at 90%+.  So that isn't the reason that I'm having trouble breathing.  I didn't have to get hit in the head to realize that my lungs are probably deeply grateful for no more smoking, but are still having trouble servicing this 210 pound, out of shape, 66 year old body.

I spent the next several weeks researching the types of weight loss I could commit to.  I looked at Beyond Diet, which I am sure is very healthy, but requires shopping at specialty stores and cooking.  I am not a cook.  Seriously.  My kids thought that a home cooked meal was fish sticks and macaroni and cheese out of a box.  So although the principles of Beyond Diet will come in handy when I'm back to regular eating (eat very little processed food, read every label, eat organic vegetables, etc), but not for the disciplined following of a program for weight loss.  I also looked at Weight Watchers, but I'm -- again -- not so disciplined to count those points, or calories, or whatever.  I did the Medifast program very successfully in 1987, and I like the idea of having my meals close at hand and that they are easily transportable.  The 1 "lean and green" meal I prepare for myself is a small serving of lean meat and a choice of vegetables.  Easy.  I don’t intend to do my entire 60 pound weight loss on this diet, but after about 3 months or so I will have lost a good part of it, my craves for carbs and fats will be gone, and portion control won’t be a problem.  I think that works out best all around.

This is the first time I have ever tried to lose weight not because I want to be a size 4, but because it will make me healthier.  In addition to the problems I've been having with breathing, my joints are giving me real problems – they’re stiff and painful, and not appropriate for someone my age who is in good health.  In order for my joints to get relief, I need to move more.  I never moved because I was smoking (sitting somewhere saying "yeah, I'll do (Fill in the Blank) after I smoke this cigarette."  In addition, my breathing deteriorated so I moved even less.  I’ve always hated exercise (yes, I’ve joined gyms and never gone) and I have a very sedentary job.  So I pretty much came to a standstill.  No wonder my joints hurt!!

I have always struggled with my weight.  In the summer between 6^th and 7^th grade I weighed 129 pounds.  In my adult life I’ve been everything from a size 4 to a size 20.  In my late 50’s I decided I was done with dieting.  I was fine the way I was.  My weight stabilized at about 190 (size 16) and I was fine with that.  So for nine years I ate pretty much what I wanted, stayed the same weight, and didn’t have a problem.  At the age of 66 I’m not terribly vain, and I felt fine about my weight.  But this isn’t a question of vanity – it’s a question of health.  And the older I get the more I understand the value of maintaining good health (I’m a slow learner.)

Getting back to how starting this diet is like my early days in my quit – I am also feeling cravings, and I know that they are just feelings that will pass.  I realize that gluttony is a poor reward for anything (and eating two Heath Bar Klondikes at a sitting is gluttony, pure and simple).  So I am quitting cold turkey.  I find myself second guessing myself – “Do I really need to do this?”  “This is hard on top of my quit.”  “Don’t I deserve to enjoy SOMETHING?”  But that is just the self-degrading self-talk that some of us have had to deal with in our lives.  Am I starving?  No.  Are these hunger pangs going to kill me?  No.  Is it hard?  Sometimes.  Learning to laugh at my smoking addict’s brain is helping me deal with these doubts.  I know I can do this as well as quitting smoking.  I know that in 6 months I am going to be enjoying this summer as a smoke free much healthier person.

So this is my story.  Thanks for listening!

[John10forteen]

YEA! HOO RAY for you. Your story, enjoyed every word. Thanks for sharing and I am so looking forward to your journey (Ups & Downs but with you, probably mostly ups)  

I have parroted the same question myself “Don’t I deserve to enjoy SOMETHING?”  I mean seriously, I quit drinking, smoking, and now eating in a reckless gluttonous manner.

And then I remember, "For everything there is a season" The season for reckless abandon has passed and it was enjoyable while it lasted. Now tis the season for new joys to be discovered.

Lets do it together.

[djmurray]

Oh, and in the spirit of full disclosure:

My weight last Sunday before I started the diet:     210.7 pounds

My goal weight:  150 and maintaining it without smoking.

[bonnie-12-28-14]

Donna this was wonderful and I can't wait to see how your journey goes.  You are one strong woman and I know you will get where you need to go.  Thank you for sharing.

[John10forteen]

I just lost my whole comment... meant to hit backspace and clumsy finger must have hit prnt screen or delete.

Full disclosure sure does help I think

I can never rewrite these with the same vim and vigor. 

Thanks for your support and involvement with all of this and for me too. You are a great encouragement for me also. The first step to quitting smoking is to "ReLearn the Habit" SO I'm going to ReLearn my Eating and Activity habits by recording them every day.

Good Night

[djmurray]

I just want to say that having worked at home today and having the tv on next to  my computer (mostly to follow the weather reports) I am struck by how many ads there are for food, and how many shows have cooking segments!  I think that has contributed to me awareness of being hungry today.  I definitely think less TV is a good idea. 

Once again -- the support here is essential to joyfully meeting our goals!!

[John10forteen]

What an observation, I'm extremely sensitive to the alcohol ads/segments, but not the cooking ads/segments BUT now I see where they could have the same effect on different folks in the sense of always "TRIGGERING" a crave.  Step 2 of quitting smoking is (ReLearning the Addiction)

FOR THIS GROUP I'm saying Step 2 is (ReLearning the Impulse) We had to relearn our addiction by staying away from triggering situations and sometimes it was tough, missing family get togethers, not going out , Not having friends over.

Now we have to relearn our impulses and stay away from triggers.

I also use the tv as a background distraction while in the office all day. A radio is nice too, especially a talk show... or Pandora (I love that) Audio books are fun to listen to.

[djmurray]

Thanks for the suggestions, John.  Fortunately when I'm working at my office (and not at home because of weather) I don't have access to tv or radio, so this has been an unusual week.  I am sticking to it, though, and I am looking forward to seeing results.  I also think I'm going to get the FitBit for when I start walking around April 1.  I simply don't have the guts to start walking in this freezing cold and icy conditions, but I figure April 1 will be warmer and if it's still icy I'll scream!!

[elvan]

I seriously think the weather is about to break.  I think it is going to warm up and we are going to have some perfect outdoor weather.  As someone who never smoked indoors, I found the first spring to be pretty challenging because I would go outside to my "usual" places and I wanted to smoke but I reminded myself over and over again that I don't do that anymore.  I would like to caution anyone who has not gone through season changes to beware, Dale says we have to go through two sets of season changes to solidify our quits.  

I had never heard of the FitBit but I googled it and it really sounds like a great idea.  I would so like to start walking again and start working out but I will admit that my shortness of breath and my ever fragile ribs and shoulders are keeping me from daring to start.  It seems like every time in the past few months when I have attempted to do anything remotely strenuous, not only did I hurt myself but then I suffered the criticism of friends and family for even TRYING to do anything.  Hey, I'm not dead yet.

Your story is seriously inspirational, Donna and I thank you for your candid honestly and your sincere trust of all of us.  You ARE a rock star!

[bonnie-12-28-14]

First Donna I put on mine but I do need to clarify I really should lose 20 or a little more but my goal is 10.  I do know that my hips and knees appreciate it when I do.  I will give a little advise if someone is looking into the fitbit.  I got and wham I went out and did 10,000 step and dang did I pay for it.  You really need to build it up don't do it all at once. 

I know the fitbit might be a fad but it gave me something positive to focus on during my critical quit and for that I will always be grateful.  I have the fitbit charge and love it.