DJ Murray (Donna)

[djmurray]

As John suggested, I am going to use this topic to "tell my story" and keep it up.  Feel free to comment.  Or not.

I do have to say that I had just written a really long blog (taking time periodically to check my work email since I'm working at home today) and when I went to post it I got an error message that I had timed out, and everything I wrote disappeared!  OH NO.  Here goes again.  I will make sure to copy what I write so I can paste it if the site times out.  For anyone who wants to write a long blog, take my advice -- copy it before you go to post it so that you don't lose what you've written.

I am struck by how similar my feelings about this diet are to the feelings I experienced in the early days of my quit.  I am proud of myself for recognizing that I can improve my breathing by losing this weight.  I'm proud of myself for wanting to make it easier for my lungs to work.  I was surprised after my quit that I was having so much trouble breathing, and thought I must have pretty serious COPD.  I went to the pulmonologist on February 9th and got the great news that I have really good lung function, at 90%+.  So that isn't the reason that I'm having trouble breathing.  I didn't have to get hit in the head to realize that my lungs are probably deeply grateful for no more smoking, but are still having trouble servicing this 210 pound, out of shape, 66 year old body.

I spent the next several weeks researching the types of weight loss I could commit to.  I looked at Beyond Diet, which I am sure is very healthy, but requires shopping at specialty stores and cooking.  I am not a cook.  Seriously.  My kids thought that a home cooked meal was fish sticks and macaroni and cheese out of a box.  So although the principles of Beyond Diet will come in handy when I'm back to regular eating (eat very little processed food, read every label, eat organic vegetables, etc), but not for the disciplined following of a program for weight loss.  I also looked at Weight Watchers, but I'm -- again -- not so disciplined to count those points, or calories, or whatever.  I did the Medifast program very successfully in 1987, and I like the idea of having my meals close at hand and that they are easily transportable.  The 1 "lean and green" meal I prepare for myself is a small serving of lean meat and a choice of vegetables.  Easy.  I don’t intend to do my entire 60 pound weight loss on this diet, but after about 3 months or so I will have lost a good part of it, my craves for carbs and fats will be gone, and portion control won’t be a problem.  I think that works out best all around.

This is the first time I have ever tried to lose weight not because I want to be a size 4, but because it will make me healthier.  In addition to the problems I've been having with breathing, my joints are giving me real problems – they’re stiff and painful, and not appropriate for someone my age who is in good health.  In order for my joints to get relief, I need to move more.  I never moved because I was smoking (sitting somewhere saying "yeah, I'll do (Fill in the Blank) after I smoke this cigarette."  In addition, my breathing deteriorated so I moved even less.  I’ve always hated exercise (yes, I’ve joined gyms and never gone) and I have a very sedentary job.  So I pretty much came to a standstill.  No wonder my joints hurt!!

I have always struggled with my weight.  In the summer between 6^th and 7^th grade I weighed 129 pounds.  In my adult life I’ve been everything from a size 4 to a size 20.  In my late 50’s I decided I was done with dieting.  I was fine the way I was.  My weight stabilized at about 190 (size 16) and I was fine with that.  So for nine years I ate pretty much what I wanted, stayed the same weight, and didn’t have a problem.  At the age of 66 I’m not terribly vain, and I felt fine about my weight.  But this isn’t a question of vanity – it’s a question of health.  And the older I get the more I understand the value of maintaining good health (I’m a slow learner.)

Getting back to how starting this diet is like my early days in my quit – I am also feeling cravings, and I know that they are just feelings that will pass.  I realize that gluttony is a poor reward for anything (and eating two Heath Bar Klondikes at a sitting is gluttony, pure and simple).  So I am quitting cold turkey.  I find myself second guessing myself – “Do I really need to do this?”  “This is hard on top of my quit.”  “Don’t I deserve to enjoy SOMETHING?”  But that is just the self-degrading self-talk that some of us have had to deal with in our lives.  Am I starving?  No.  Are these hunger pangs going to kill me?  No.  Is it hard?  Sometimes.  Learning to laugh at my smoking addict’s brain is helping me deal with these doubts.  I know I can do this as well as quitting smoking.  I know that in 6 months I am going to be enjoying this summer as a smoke free much healthier person.

So this is my story.  Thanks for listening!

[John10forteen]

I thought it was a fad when they came out but after seeing how it is used, Thanks to BONNIE, I think it is a great tool. I like tools that serve a purpose and get the job done. Heck I might just get one myself. Does it work with bicycling.?.... Sorry Donna hope it's ok talking on your site.

[bonnie-12-28-14]

I don't think it works on bikes but you have the option when doing an exercise to go online and log in the exercise and mileage and/or calories.   

[djmurray]

I'm delighted that we're talking on my site!!  I'm a very social person (as if you all couldn't tell). 

The diet is going well -- as I blogged a little earlier, I cheated with a small extra salad this evening, but I'll live with it.  When you've been eating prepared bars and protein shakes and you finally taste fresh spinach, scallions, cucumbers and tomatoes, it tastes PRETTY DARN GOOD.   I am working very hard NOT to weigh myself constantly.  I started on Sunday so I will have a weigh in first thing this coming Sunday.  I will report the results.

When I was a kid I loved to walk and sometimes I would walk for hours on a Saturday (of course, that was back in the day when  13 year old girl could walk by herself throughout the suburbs and no one thought anything of it, or worried about crazies.)  And I would love to get back to that.  Unfortunately, I get so out of breath just walking short distances I will need to start slowly.  (And that works very well with Bonnie's advice).  I am on Advair now and I think it's working better than the other things I've tried.  I am not noticing that I'm as short of breath just walking around my condo.  That might not sound like much, but it's huge to me!

So, when the weather warms up and I've gotten three weeks or so of this diet under my belt (they really do say not to exercise in the first three weeks until your body acclimates to the change in caloric intake) I will grab my FitBit and take to the sidewalks!! 

I actually did something a little silly today that I want to share here.  I have been a size 16 for the last nine years or so.  I've been completely okay with that.  I dress for work, and I have a pretty extensive wardrobe.  I've been stuck in the house for the last three days, so when I finally got out today I bought myself an inexpensive "aspirational" outfit -- size 12.  I figure it will be well into spring when I can try it on and have it work, so I bought a pretty dress and a jacket to go with it.  I will be so proud of myself when I can fit into that dress!!

So thanks for the support and feel free to chat here any time!

[John10forteen]

Thanks Donna, feels like a liiving room conversation. This actually may be a more important dynamic than I first realized. I'm learning that conversing in the "GROUP" is significantly different than blogging on the "Primary EX Site".

So the ability to have a nice discussion "off topic" of that friends POV (Point of View) is what I think  a wonderful developement. As the group is small, now is the time to form it and I like this idea of being able to have a General Discussion in Anyone's Living Room. 

BUT NOW:  On Topic. When we break our diet, and the worst we do is a small salad, I'd say great job! I am glad you made mention about your "weigh in" schedule because I was wondering about that. The anticipation must be killing you!! I know it is me now. 

Your pretty dress antics put a big smile on my face.  AND Bonnie, thanks for the fitbit info. You ladies have a wonderful day. (as always... Smoke Free!)

[bonnie-12-28-14]

I think the inspiration dress is a Great idea.  The salad was sounding good too.  I love salad.  I love food period.  Have a busy day with my niece in town. We are meeting a friend for lunch and that won't be something I will want to log.  

Have a wonderful day everyone will check in this evening.  Small steps for each of us will get us where we want to be:).

[djmurray]

I just had a huge insight.  When I was gorging myself I needed to have heavy sweets or heavy salt to feel pleasure in what I was eating.  Now, after just a week of a) eating very little and b) not smoking, I have learned to thrill to the taste of fresh spinach with scallions.  I just had my lean/green meal, and it consisted of lemon/butter talapia (which came frozen and this brand is my new go-to for any kind of fish.  It was 180 calories, with 1 gram of carbs, 8 grams of fat and 23 grams of protein) and the brand, if anyone is interested in DELICIOUS frozen fish ready in 30 minutes (if you use the oven.  You can microwave it quicker) is Morey's Fish Creations.  I will probably have one of these (they have other fish selections) at least 3 times a week.  WOW.

[elvan]

I think the aspirational outfit is a GREAT idea.  I also like the fitbit but I am not ready for walking yet...still struggling with breathing.  I am on Advair too but I suspect I need the higher dose.

[elvan]

Like that fish idea...I will look for it in the stores.  Fish is one of the things my future daughter in law suggested I really add to my diet.

[djmurray]

Do look for it, Ellen - I can't believe how good it was.  I am going to stock up on their stuff because I can eat more fish than I can eat lean beef or pork.  And it's SO good.

[elvan]

I had been a vegetarian for a couple of years and I did not eat anything with a face...pressure from kids.  I started eating turkey and chicken and a little bit of beef a while ago but I had not found any fish that I really liked.  I do not like fishy tasting fish, LOL.  I will look for it though and it sounds easy enough that I could probably handle it...my husband would be THRILLED.