It's been awhile.

[Christine13]

Christmas is coming and I'm just not ready for it.  I have been unmotivated, and a slug lately.

But........I do have good days too.  Today it's cold, but sunny, but very windy.

I am going to cook myself filet mignon, baked potato with sour cream and chives, and have a salad too with that for Christmas Day. I have seen my grandson 2x the last two weeks!  That makes me very happy.

My lights are on outside and I have my tree up too.  I am hoping to be in the Christmas spirit next week.

Because we are under such tight restrictions, we will have our Christmas in July!!  LOL, I always wanted to do that.

Covid sucks, but we will all be ok, as long as we can reach out if we have difficulty.  I am missing Brian, but that is to be expected.  The thing I miss the most about him is his off the wall sense of humour, my man had no filter, LMAO!!  I also miss talking to him, and yes, him telling me what to do.  The quit is going hard right now.  Some days I just don't want to exist.  Mornings are still my tough time of day.....I know I don't really want to smoke and choke.  There are so many self-improvements I need to make in the New Year.  I love you all.  I am here every day, to read and post, even the days I just don't want to. xo

[Daniela2016]

Christine, my heart goes out to you, and I understand your challenge.  But the bright spot in your life, seeing your grandson growing up is such a blessing!  Coming here every day does a lot for your quit, I congratulate you for pushing yourself to do it.

We are all, I believe, in some kind or some degree of depression.  But staying quit is wonderful, and you should be proud of that.  There are days, even after nearly 5 years of being quit, when I am thinking about smoking with nostalgy...it is usually related to events in my life when members of my family I lost were still alive.  So, I would say, missing Brian makes you missing smoking too, you were a smoker when he was still with you.  I am sure though, he is looking down, and being so proud of you planning your Christmas dinner ahead of time, and being quit.  Let that be of support to you during hard times, along with coming here and speaking with us.

You are doing good, and we are here to listen, hugs!

[indingrl]

Thank you Christine and YES I too come here even when I don't want to - it is hard to be positive and YOU know ME by now - I pray for HELP and I prayed for YOU my friend - I am so sorry for your loss of Brian and I am glad you saw your grandson - I was able to get a few gifts - Christmas candy they like and I listen to some Christmas songs and continue praying throughout MY day - please know YOUR not alone in grieving - Ward mom decided NO more hospital care she is choosing to hospice at home at 97yr and NO doctor is giving her a hard time about it and they are working with her -  she still has covid19 along with 7 others in her house and TODAY her dr is giving her an I.V. in the ER department - taking 4 hours - because her white cells zero and potassium meds and then she is heading back home per her request - dr want keep her in hospital or nursing home she said NO - my husband having a rough time -thanks for sharing and teaching ME - to let go and let God  - in HIS love I love you

[MarilynH]

{{{{{{{{{{Love, hugs plus lots of good thoughts and prayers coming your way Chris }}}}}}}}}}

[Anonymous]

Christmas in July will be fun Christine . What a good idea . You could decorate all over again ..lol . 

I know this is the season that's hard for you with Brian's passing but you've gotten through several years with his help . He has been bringing you wonderful memories   .. you mentioned his humour today .. 

Now you are making new traditions with Christmas in July you may stick to that . Winter here is brrrrrrr anyway sp a summer Christmas sounds wonderful . Want guests lol I'll be there in July  with dessert  

Christmas has begun here.. my grandkids had Christmas pictures taken on a beautiful snowy day at their acreage overlooking the valley.. my goodness they are just  stunning and sent me pics ... they won't be here for Christmas but yes something about our grandkids just brings cheer no matter how far they are away . 

I hope you have some energy tomorrow , don't be sad , you aren't alone.. I'll be here Christmas Day as well and I'm sure other Ex family community members will be as well . 

[Christine13]

Thank you Daniela!  I am ok, I just have to push through it.  I finally said to myself today, I was going outside for a 20 minute walk, and stop feeling sorry for myself.  I have been talking with my grandson Caiden and it is wonderful.  Weather is brutal cold here right now, but I did it!!  I walk and pray for family and friends.

[Christine13]

Thank you Diane Joy.  For the prayers for me, and the faith.  Is that your Mom who is going home?

zero white cells, is very bad.  I'm also praying for you and your husband.  When I went for my walk tonight, I asked God, for help.

[Christine13]

Thank you for your prayers Marilyn.  They really mean a lot.  Love you my friend! xo

[Christine13]

Yes, of course I want guests Maki!!  I think it will be a BBQ for Christmas in July!!  LOL.

I'm sure your grandkids photos were just awesome!  I will be ok.....as long as you are too!!

[Anonymous]

We wil  be just fine