No Mans Land Days 30 to 130 (approximate)

[JonesCarpeDiem]

This is not meant to scare anyone. I feel it was one on the reasons I was able to make it through the difficult things I was going through during this time in my quit and what many others were going through on the site I began my quit with. If you have lost a quit during the first 4 months or so, think back and try to remember what made you give in and smoke. Chances are it was the difficult feelings Ron Maxey describes here.

No Mans Land Authored By Ron Maxey 2002

I call No Man's Land that period of time after 1 month and 3 or 4 months into your quit,  This is a time when many people slip and go into a full relapse and have to start over... if they can start over, that is. I have some observations that may help some of you who are literally hanging on by your fingernails... or who may find yourself there tomorrow.

The first month is an exhausting but exhilirating experience... you are locked in nearly daily struggles and you get the satisfaction of successfully beating your addiction that day. You go to bed a WINNER each night, and you are justifiably proud of yourself. Your friends and family are also supportive as they see you struggling each day to maintain your quit. And you are being constantly supported here, whether or not you post... just being here is good for your quit. And so, the battles are won and it actually becomes easier and the battles occur less often as you finish 30 days or so.

Around 60 days, you're starting to have some really good days, with very few craves and some nice insights about yourself... but then again, you still have some bad days. Those bad days can really be depressing... you begin to wonder if you're ever gonna be able to relax. Your junkie is whispering to you, telling you that 'just one' won't hurt. You've conquered your daily triggers, but now you start trippiing over the occasional ones... a death in the family, unexpectedly bad news, money problems, health problems, going on a long car ride, a trip to the bar, or whatever. You have a strong crave and you begin to doubt your ability to keep your quit.

In addition, the 3D support that you used to get is pretty much gone... non-smokers figure you should be 'over it' by now, smokers don't like to hang around you much because they feel guilty and addicted (remember that feeling?), and people who have quit may not remember just how much love and support you need well into the first few months. They all think you should be 'over it', you think you should be 'over it'... and the temptation is to have 'just one' to see if you ARE over it.

But of course you're not over it, are you? That 'just one' whisper becomes much much louder and becomes 'just one more'... and each time you give in to that whisper, the craves come harder and sooner. The one way to guarantee that your craves will never go away is to light up, to slide that old cigarette needle into your arm and shoot up. Those craves will be back and keep coming back. But if you protect your quit, your craves will eventually weaken and become even fewer and farther between.

As you get to around 100 days or so (some will be a bit longer)... you will begin to really get a healthy perspective on your addiction. You will see the huge role that smoking played in your life, you will see clearly what that addiction really cost you. And you will understand that it was a very high price to pay... the loss of your confidence, your emotions, your self-control... your SELF. All enslaved to your addiction.

You will begin to see that you can look forward to a non-smoking future without romanticizing your addiction. You see it clearly for the life-stealing evil it was... and is. You see a much different future for yourself than your past has been. And it no longer scares the crap out of you to think that you are done smoking... in fact, you embrace that thought with joy every day.

But you have to get out of No Man's Land first. How can you help yourself? And how can those of us who have been through it help you?

First of all, you need to understand that you aren't alone. If you haven't already done so, make a promise with 2 or 3 good friends on the site here and exchange phone numbers with them. Promise to call them if you're ever in trouble, and make them promise the same. These are your 'life and death' quit partners... you are literally trusting each other with your lives. Then call them... often. Just to see how they are doing, and to tell them you're doing well too. Be totally honest with them, this is life and death.

Second, understand that you're going to have some unexpectedly bad days... but they are going to be further apart. Shrug them off, laugh your way through them, call your quit buddies... whatever it takes to get through them without smoking. Some battles will be easy, some will be hard. Come here and post, send sitemail, exercise, learn to cook, take up a new hobby. Whatever it takes, keep going to bed a WINNER each night.

Third, ask some of the older quitters to keep an eye on you... to contact you to see how you're doing. I have been asked to do that for several of you recently and I am happy to do that, as I am sure that others are too. We know that you just need to hold on a little bit longer and change your focus just a little to make that breakthrough. And then you will OWN your quit, and it will be a very comfortable thing.

Last, take a deep and honest look at your past life... your life as a smoker and compare it to what your life is like now... and what it will be like in the future. You have to develop that vision of your future, of the person that you are going to BECOME now that you have freed yourself. You have to believe in yourself. You have to love yourself enough to deny yourself your addiction.

No Man's Land doesn't have to be so lonely and scary and dangerous. You need some company and some courage and some faith in yourself. And when you emerge from it, you will not be the same person that entered it.

Never never never question your decision to quit! This is the most loving thing that you will ever do for yourself. A few days of discomfort in exchange for a lifetime of freedom. You will never find another deal like it.

Ron

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The following is a link to a study that confirms the extra strong cues to smoke after the first month quit and into the next few months. Thank you Thomas

https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/blogs/Thomas3.20.2010-blog/2012/08/27/knowledge-is-power-know-you...

[mary-lou]

Thanks sound so famaliar

[jewel9]

I'm so happy I found this page about NML.  I am only on day 10 and I am feeling like a million bucks.  This quit has been rather easy for me and I had not contemplated having a hard time in the future.  Now I know what to look out for in the next few months. Do you long time quitters recommend getting the book?  

[donna-b2]

hi guys,  i am on day 29 and feel great.  i am glad to say that it has been  at least 2 wks since i have even been in any kind of distress over smoking.  i am loving my life smoke free and doing great.  i feel so good that it almost scares me; the thought that i could relaps.  i just don't ever see it , and it feels wonderful to help others newly into their quit , or someone struggling with a bad day.

i am glad to be here in no mans land 

please let me know what i need to be doing to prevent  a sneaky relaps.

[bluezirc53]

Wow, thank you.  I didn't know how to explain "where" I am.  Mostly, It has been pretty easy.  But I don't feel like "me" ... I guess it's because I'm wandering around in No mans land....  It's been 2 months for me and so far I have had 2 very hard days .. day4 and day5.  I get cravings and strong urges but whenever I tried to quit before, i used to get depressed ,  I even had the shakes for a week once and ended back smoking again.  I don't experience any of that this time.  I feel strong  that I have made my mind up I QUIT and that is it.  Nothing will get in my way ..  (That's what I tell myself lol)  It works for me but I feel different,and it's hard to explain.  LIke I'm living in someone else's world ... I should be having fits by now, and I haven't  felt that.

I'm glad I found this about No mans land because I guess that explains where I am!  I have already had the sneaky relapse try to get me, but I QUIT and nothing is going to change that.  Whew...

It is great to have a place to vent!!!

[donna-b2]

Day 30 for me today!

i'm glad for all the heads up on the sneak attacks.  good to know.  i believe the only thing that would take me back now is a death or a major catastrophy in my life..  never felt so strong.  no cravings, no thoughts, nothing but happiness; a happiness i have never known before. 

i'm not so foolish to believe im invincible though.... so glad no mans land is here

[nickmillerz]

NML its a bit... neither here not there space ...and the "should be over it by now" statement is sooo true. Thank you Dale for this info. I hadnt seeing it till now. Feels good when you realize theres a path of feelings and thoughts we all go through.

[nick55]

This is a great post, thanks, I really can relate to it, especially the bit about feeling like a winner, on top of the world everyday during the first month and then the coming down to earth in month two ... I am 47 (I think!) days in now and do seem to have those mornings where I have to stop myself from dwelling on cigarettes ... I always come to this site just to reinforce my quit and help me get off to a better start to the day ... 

[HarborLady]

 Awesome post!  Something I especially relate to, and now understand where I am right now.  I'm at day 77, and I have had some of the worst craves of the whole 77 days just this last week.  I'm for certain in No Man's Land.

Thank you!  I'm going to print this post, and read it each day for at least the next thirty days.

Best wishes for all of us keeping our quit!

[xIndix]

This post made tears swell up in my eyes. All my feelings are valid, and it will get better. I just have to reinforce my quit every day. This post is going on my fridge. 

[Danno_11-10-12]

Great post Dale. Soon to enter myself and this is good ammo.