No Mans Land Days 30 to 130 (approximate)

[JonesCarpeDiem]

This is not meant to scare anyone. I feel it was one on the reasons I was able to make it through the difficult things I was going through during this time in my quit and what many others were going through on the site I began my quit with. If you have lost a quit during the first 4 months or so, think back and try to remember what made you give in and smoke. Chances are it was the difficult feelings Ron Maxey describes here.

No Mans Land Authored By Ron Maxey 2002

I call No Man's Land that period of time after 1 month and 3 or 4 months into your quit,  This is a time when many people slip and go into a full relapse and have to start over... if they can start over, that is. I have some observations that may help some of you who are literally hanging on by your fingernails... or who may find yourself there tomorrow.

The first month is an exhausting but exhilirating experience... you are locked in nearly daily struggles and you get the satisfaction of successfully beating your addiction that day. You go to bed a WINNER each night, and you are justifiably proud of yourself. Your friends and family are also supportive as they see you struggling each day to maintain your quit. And you are being constantly supported here, whether or not you post... just being here is good for your quit. And so, the battles are won and it actually becomes easier and the battles occur less often as you finish 30 days or so.

Around 60 days, you're starting to have some really good days, with very few craves and some nice insights about yourself... but then again, you still have some bad days. Those bad days can really be depressing... you begin to wonder if you're ever gonna be able to relax. Your junkie is whispering to you, telling you that 'just one' won't hurt. You've conquered your daily triggers, but now you start trippiing over the occasional ones... a death in the family, unexpectedly bad news, money problems, health problems, going on a long car ride, a trip to the bar, or whatever. You have a strong crave and you begin to doubt your ability to keep your quit.

In addition, the 3D support that you used to get is pretty much gone... non-smokers figure you should be 'over it' by now, smokers don't like to hang around you much because they feel guilty and addicted (remember that feeling?), and people who have quit may not remember just how much love and support you need well into the first few months. They all think you should be 'over it', you think you should be 'over it'... and the temptation is to have 'just one' to see if you ARE over it.

But of course you're not over it, are you? That 'just one' whisper becomes much much louder and becomes 'just one more'... and each time you give in to that whisper, the craves come harder and sooner. The one way to guarantee that your craves will never go away is to light up, to slide that old cigarette needle into your arm and shoot up. Those craves will be back and keep coming back. But if you protect your quit, your craves will eventually weaken and become even fewer and farther between.

As you get to around 100 days or so (some will be a bit longer)... you will begin to really get a healthy perspective on your addiction. You will see the huge role that smoking played in your life, you will see clearly what that addiction really cost you. And you will understand that it was a very high price to pay... the loss of your confidence, your emotions, your self-control... your SELF. All enslaved to your addiction.

You will begin to see that you can look forward to a non-smoking future without romanticizing your addiction. You see it clearly for the life-stealing evil it was... and is. You see a much different future for yourself than your past has been. And it no longer scares the crap out of you to think that you are done smoking... in fact, you embrace that thought with joy every day.

But you have to get out of No Man's Land first. How can you help yourself? And how can those of us who have been through it help you?

First of all, you need to understand that you aren't alone. If you haven't already done so, make a promise with 2 or 3 good friends on the site here and exchange phone numbers with them. Promise to call them if you're ever in trouble, and make them promise the same. These are your 'life and death' quit partners... you are literally trusting each other with your lives. Then call them... often. Just to see how they are doing, and to tell them you're doing well too. Be totally honest with them, this is life and death.

Second, understand that you're going to have some unexpectedly bad days... but they are going to be further apart. Shrug them off, laugh your way through them, call your quit buddies... whatever it takes to get through them without smoking. Some battles will be easy, some will be hard. Come here and post, send sitemail, exercise, learn to cook, take up a new hobby. Whatever it takes, keep going to bed a WINNER each night.

Third, ask some of the older quitters to keep an eye on you... to contact you to see how you're doing. I have been asked to do that for several of you recently and I am happy to do that, as I am sure that others are too. We know that you just need to hold on a little bit longer and change your focus just a little to make that breakthrough. And then you will OWN your quit, and it will be a very comfortable thing.

Last, take a deep and honest look at your past life... your life as a smoker and compare it to what your life is like now... and what it will be like in the future. You have to develop that vision of your future, of the person that you are going to BECOME now that you have freed yourself. You have to believe in yourself. You have to love yourself enough to deny yourself your addiction.

No Man's Land doesn't have to be so lonely and scary and dangerous. You need some company and some courage and some faith in yourself. And when you emerge from it, you will not be the same person that entered it.

Never never never question your decision to quit! This is the most loving thing that you will ever do for yourself. A few days of discomfort in exchange for a lifetime of freedom. You will never find another deal like it.

Ron

________________________________________________________________________

The following is a link to a study that confirms the extra strong cues to smoke after the first month quit and into the next few months. Thank you Thomas

https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/blogs/Thomas3.20.2010-blog/2012/08/27/knowledge-is-power-know-you...

[elvan]

Anite‌ PLEASE pay attention to what Dale has said...when we quit...we might not like ourselves very much for a while because all of the emotions that nonsmokers learned to deal with as they were growing up are suddenly thrust upon us all at once.  It is no wonder we are nasty...the intensity of those feelings seems overwhelming and we doubt that we will ever come back to being "nice" people again. We need to remember that this is a JOURNEY and we cannot rush it, we cannot take any short cuts because there AREN'T any, we can just take it one thing at a time...one experience, one feeling, one moment in time,  The physical damage from smoking is irreversible...the journey gets easier and easier.  Believe it, because that belief will get you through the hard times.  ALSO believe that smoking does not help anything and smoking makes us nasty...nasty smelling, nasty seeking another fix...we THINK we are nice but we are under the influence of a very powerful drug.

Ellen

[Megs08]

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I am thick in the weeds of NML. I am depressed, feel alone and angry, get stuck in long crying jags, feel guilty for affecting the people around me. NML is where my quit has ended in previous years.. I'm one month and 6 days smoke free and , even though I am going through emotional hell, I know it will get easier with time and I am committed to my freedom from this poison. I am soooo very glad the I stumbled across this website today. Reading through your stories and comments has made me feel less alone. Thank you all so very much for sharing and being here. Much love, light, and strength to all.

[JonesCarpeDiem]

Keep the faith. 

Time really is the healer.

It will get better.

When you think of smoking, say to yourself,  "I don't do that anymore." and say it every time.

Bite into a lemon or fill your mouth with ice cubes to immediately throw off a severe crave, or, stick your head in the freezer and count backwards from 20.

Look for the day you realize you didn't think of smoking the day before. (I had my hardest days in the mid 50's and my first day I didn't think about smoking around day 80)

Let each day carry you forward to the next and you will get through

[txmarie]

Please stop with emails. I quit smoking 6yrs ago. Move on!

Sent from my iPad

[JonesCarpeDiem]

Mark‌

can you help?

[CommunityAdmin]

txmarie wrote:

Please stop with emails. I quit smoking 6yrs ago. Move on!

Sent from my iPad

txmarie‌ Congrats on your quit!

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[need-tostayquit]

You are such a good person Mark. Thank you ! Thank you for all the Energy and Love and Time you put into other peoples betterment. You are in part an example of what all of us are to be to be a developed human being.

ON THE OTHER HAND ....TXMarie sounds like a VERY inconsiderate, unkind, hurtful and self centered and selfish person.

Todd

[JonesCarpeDiem]

Thanks Mark.

I used to know and could probably figured it out by looking around but I guessed she was getting the automatic emails and my mind was somewhere else..

I'm pretty good around a computer though..:)

[CommunityAdmin]

need-tostayquit wrote:

You are such a good person Mark. Thank you ! Thank you for all the Energy and Love and Time you put into other peoples betterment. You are in part an example of what all of us are to be to be a developed human being.

ON THE OTHER HAND ....TXMarie sounds like a VERY inconsiderate, unkind, hurtful and self centered and selfish person.

Todd

Thanks. I enjoy helping other people. I'm fortunate to have this role.

From what I see TXMarie never logged on to the community after we migrated. Since they participated in this discussion before we moved they have been receiving email notifications from this topic ever since we moved.  They may have decided they have been quit long enough that they don't need support of the community any longer.  That's fine. Whatever your need, we're here. If people want to unsubscribe or increase/reduce their notifications, I'll help them. We don't want to annoy people. 

Mark
EX Community Manager

[Grammy25]

This is really interesting and helpful!!