No Mans Land Days 30 to 130 (approximate)

[JonesCarpeDiem]

This is not meant to scare anyone. I feel it was one on the reasons I was able to make it through the difficult things I was going through during this time in my quit and what many others were going through on the site I began my quit with. If you have lost a quit during the first 4 months or so, think back and try to remember what made you give in and smoke. Chances are it was the difficult feelings Ron Maxey describes here.

No Mans Land Authored By Ron Maxey 2002

I call No Man's Land that period of time after 1 month and 3 or 4 months into your quit,  This is a time when many people slip and go into a full relapse and have to start over... if they can start over, that is. I have some observations that may help some of you who are literally hanging on by your fingernails... or who may find yourself there tomorrow.

The first month is an exhausting but exhilirating experience... you are locked in nearly daily struggles and you get the satisfaction of successfully beating your addiction that day. You go to bed a WINNER each night, and you are justifiably proud of yourself. Your friends and family are also supportive as they see you struggling each day to maintain your quit. And you are being constantly supported here, whether or not you post... just being here is good for your quit. And so, the battles are won and it actually becomes easier and the battles occur less often as you finish 30 days or so.

Around 60 days, you're starting to have some really good days, with very few craves and some nice insights about yourself... but then again, you still have some bad days. Those bad days can really be depressing... you begin to wonder if you're ever gonna be able to relax. Your junkie is whispering to you, telling you that 'just one' won't hurt. You've conquered your daily triggers, but now you start trippiing over the occasional ones... a death in the family, unexpectedly bad news, money problems, health problems, going on a long car ride, a trip to the bar, or whatever. You have a strong crave and you begin to doubt your ability to keep your quit.

In addition, the 3D support that you used to get is pretty much gone... non-smokers figure you should be 'over it' by now, smokers don't like to hang around you much because they feel guilty and addicted (remember that feeling?), and people who have quit may not remember just how much love and support you need well into the first few months. They all think you should be 'over it', you think you should be 'over it'... and the temptation is to have 'just one' to see if you ARE over it.

But of course you're not over it, are you? That 'just one' whisper becomes much much louder and becomes 'just one more'... and each time you give in to that whisper, the craves come harder and sooner. The one way to guarantee that your craves will never go away is to light up, to slide that old cigarette needle into your arm and shoot up. Those craves will be back and keep coming back. But if you protect your quit, your craves will eventually weaken and become even fewer and farther between.

As you get to around 100 days or so (some will be a bit longer)... you will begin to really get a healthy perspective on your addiction. You will see the huge role that smoking played in your life, you will see clearly what that addiction really cost you. And you will understand that it was a very high price to pay... the loss of your confidence, your emotions, your self-control... your SELF. All enslaved to your addiction.

You will begin to see that you can look forward to a non-smoking future without romanticizing your addiction. You see it clearly for the life-stealing evil it was... and is. You see a much different future for yourself than your past has been. And it no longer scares the crap out of you to think that you are done smoking... in fact, you embrace that thought with joy every day.

But you have to get out of No Man's Land first. How can you help yourself? And how can those of us who have been through it help you?

First of all, you need to understand that you aren't alone. If you haven't already done so, make a promise with 2 or 3 good friends on the site here and exchange phone numbers with them. Promise to call them if you're ever in trouble, and make them promise the same. These are your 'life and death' quit partners... you are literally trusting each other with your lives. Then call them... often. Just to see how they are doing, and to tell them you're doing well too. Be totally honest with them, this is life and death.

Second, understand that you're going to have some unexpectedly bad days... but they are going to be further apart. Shrug them off, laugh your way through them, call your quit buddies... whatever it takes to get through them without smoking. Some battles will be easy, some will be hard. Come here and post, send sitemail, exercise, learn to cook, take up a new hobby. Whatever it takes, keep going to bed a WINNER each night.

Third, ask some of the older quitters to keep an eye on you... to contact you to see how you're doing. I have been asked to do that for several of you recently and I am happy to do that, as I am sure that others are too. We know that you just need to hold on a little bit longer and change your focus just a little to make that breakthrough. And then you will OWN your quit, and it will be a very comfortable thing.

Last, take a deep and honest look at your past life... your life as a smoker and compare it to what your life is like now... and what it will be like in the future. You have to develop that vision of your future, of the person that you are going to BECOME now that you have freed yourself. You have to believe in yourself. You have to love yourself enough to deny yourself your addiction.

No Man's Land doesn't have to be so lonely and scary and dangerous. You need some company and some courage and some faith in yourself. And when you emerge from it, you will not be the same person that entered it.

Never never never question your decision to quit! This is the most loving thing that you will ever do for yourself. A few days of discomfort in exchange for a lifetime of freedom. You will never find another deal like it.

Ron

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The following is a link to a study that confirms the extra strong cues to smoke after the first month quit and into the next few months. Thank you Thomas

https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/blogs/Thomas3.20.2010-blog/2012/08/27/knowledge-is-power-know-you...

[Yess]

Truth never gets too old - still so very apt today, thank you from the bottom of my heart - this feels like a lifesaver! Pamela

[JonesCarpeDiem]

I actually was able to communicate with him because he had an email on his page.  🙂

He was on the site I quit on.

[Giulia]

JonesCarpeDiem‌  That's really cool that you two communicated.  I had a back and forth with Joel on whyquit.com   That kind of personal connection makes what we do here quit extraordinary I think.  How wonderful that he offered an email to communicate with him!  What was the site you were on originally - and do you think it would help other members to check it out?  

[JonesCarpeDiem]

I read this at just the right time in my quit. My worst days were in the mid fifties.

It got me through.

[Yess]

I'm looking forward to when I can say yes to this question!!!!!

[JonesCarpeDiem]

It was QUITNET.  It started in 1995, then they rolled out a paid program in 2003. I never paid anything, The blog was where it was at and it worked a lot faster than things moved here. They changed platforms a few years ago and people weren't very happy and some of the long term elders left from what I heard.

[Giulia]

JonesCarpeDiem   Quitnet, ah yes.  A rival!  lol

[thenicolelineah]

Hey all, I'm kind of embarrassed to be posting on here again, and I don't want to scare anyone not as far as I am, but it's Day 154 for me I slipped up at Day 140 but didn't go back to smoking. I actually had dreams my three year old was smoking and that sobered me up real fast. But even at Day 140 I was still feeling like a smoker, thinking like a smoker, and having intense cravings to smoke. Any other advice? I know there has got to be a better way than constantly fighting with myself. Distracting myself only works for the short term and then I go right back to talking myself into a smoke. I can't tell if I'm winning or losing by quitting because I am losing the desire to spend time with my two very best friends over this and that hurts and adds fuel to the craving. I am practicing self love and thinking loving thoughts about myself. The cravings are just still so intense and I don't know how much longer I can take this. Did anyone else need a few tries before they were ready for a forever quit? 

[JonesCarpeDiem]

Plenty of people have said it took 6 months or more for them to get past No Mans Land.  I think the key is accepting you are a non smoker instead of thinking about it and dwelling on it. When smoking crosses your mind tell yourself, "I don't do that anymore." That simple phrase teaches you acceptance.

say it often and it will retrain your thinking.

[Puff-TM-Draggin]

It took me the longest time.  Keep plowing forward.  It only gets better.  Trust me.  Slowly, but surely, you are re-wiring.  Not sure the notion every goes away completely.  It hasn't yet, anyway, for me, but the desire has.  I think it's just all my old memories veiled in smoke.  I remember.  That's about all.

I feel so much better now.  How much better would those thoughts be if they were all crisp and clear and not tainted by the haze.  That's where I am now.  Making new memories.  Free, happy memories.

You will too so, Onward!!