Letter to a Loved One

[Giulia]

Letter to a Loved One

January 25, 2012 by Anacondahead 

 View Anacondahead's Blog

Sorry to the old timers out there - you've seen this letter many times but I want to put it up again for the newbies. I saw several posts today about smoking family members - what a pain! This letter may help.

Dear______,

I am about to make a huge change in my life for the better. I am going to quit smoking.

I have a quit plan that I am confident with and I want to let you know what to expect for the next couple of weeks. I also want to give you some ideas on how to help me. Most people do not realize it, but nicotine is one of the hardest drugs to stop, even harder than heroin and alcohol. 

Everyone reacts to the withdrawal symptoms differently and during the first two weeks, don't expect much from me. I will not behave like my normal self. All of my energy will be focused on fighting the physical and mental cravings of smoking. I may cry, I may yell, I may ignore you. Worst of all, I may be hurtful to you, but I want you to know that is the nicotine talking, not my heart. I WILL apologize afterwards, once the poison has left my body and my mind has cleared, but for the moment, please, PLEASE remember that I love you, and do not hold my actions against me. 

My mind will play some very cunning tricks on me to try to convince me to start smoking again. It’s a very nasty addiction. I may rationalize that "now is not a good time to quit". I may talk about feeling a sense of emptiness and loss. My body may develop aches and pains. I may not be able to sleep. I may act like it’s all your fault. If I do, I apologize now because I don’t really mean it. 

I am doing this for me, not for you. In this one important way, I have to be selfish, so that I cannot give the nicotine a reason to put the blame on anyone else. You must not feel responsible for my discomfort or depression in any way. Even if you feel you can't stand to see me this way, whatever you do, do NOT tell me it's okay to smoke just to stop the pain. You need to be strong when I am weak, so please do not agree with any rationalizations I may come up with. I am counting on you.

Here are some things that will help me:

• Hug me when I need a hug, but don't be hurt if I push you away.
• If I tell you to leave me alone, give me space, but don't go too far...I need to know you are near me.
• Don't try to argue with me when I start to rationalize...silence is a more powerful message.  No matter what I say or do, a safe comment is always,” I’m proud of you.”
• Avoid the topic of cigarettes (because I'm trying to get them off my mind), unless I bring it up first.
• Do the best you can to act as if everything is normal. The more normal you act, the faster I will get there.
• Consciously avoid putting me into situations where I will be in the presence of smokers. This may mean avoiding favorite restaurants or bars, or hanging out with certain friends for a while.
•  If something stressful can be put off for a couple of weeks, please try to do so. If not, please try to cushion me.
• If I need some kind words, tell me that you are proud of me. Tell me it will get better, that the emptiness and pain will lessen, that you love me, and that quitting is worth the effort. Tell me I am strong. Tell me you will be there no matter what I say or do.

I hope you will find these suggestions helpful because I know that you are behind me 100%. No more second-hand smoke for my loved ones and pet(s). I will be free from the prison that smoking creates for us. I will be free of the smell of stale tobacco. I am looking forward to living my new smoke-free life. I will be around longer for those I love. Not smoking will begin to improve my health immediately.

Thank you for loving me and helping me through this.

Love, _______

[Giulia]

Cheering you on!

[Giulia]

You CAN hand it out.  Just copy it and print and shove in people faces!  lol.  We speak a lot on here about how it's not willpower that ensures a successful quit, rather "willingness."  But willpower, or what I would call "self-discipline" is obviously a necessary ingredient also.  Whatever enables you to quit and maintain it, is just dandy in my book.  If proving people wrong in their assessment of you and your ability to quit, pushes you to the point of being smoke-free - GREAT say I!  But also recognize that ultimately, after you've proved your point, then what?  That challenge is over.  And you have to come up with either a willingness to continue the journey or a new challenge for yourself.  Make sense? clacy73‌

[clacy73]

Absolutely! And I totally agree. I was mad and feeling sorry for myself. I do have the willingness to keep going, just irritated by my so called support system. Having a hard time today trying to figure out how to deal with stress without smoking, I haven’t smoke and I don’t intend to. Just not sure how to get rid of this anger. 

[Nanalori]

Clacy73, I went for a walk n stomped almost every step of the way, saying a few choice words as well.  It helped!!!! Not to forget the deep breaths too...

[TW517]

Don't know if this will help or not.  But I quit trying to get rid of emotions, whether they be "bad" ones like anger, or "good" ones like happiness.  I've come to a place where I try not to judge anything.  It just "is".  There is nothing inherently good or bad about my feelings, they just "are".  I do try to examine them though.  I search for what brought on those feelings.  Why am I reacting the way I am?  Would I react the same way if someone else said/did whatever I'm blaming my emotion on?  Or if they said/did it yesterday?  Last week?

It's just a little mind game I play that helps me.  It doesn't necessarily get rid of that emotion.  But it does usually bring it down a notch or two, and help me understand it rather than adding to my stress.

[Giulia]

I find exercise a great anger reducer.  Or - get some flour and water and beat it into submission while you laugh hysterically!

   Gotta keep a sense of humor about ya!

[Nicklashea]

Thank you for this! It will be extremely beneficial.  

[CommunityAdmin]

Updated: If anyone wants to print it you can go here and it will provide a page for printing. Or download one of the files I've attached below to your computer and then edit. PDF  | Word Doc

[CommunityAdmin]

I attached the Word version to the previous post and the pdf version of the letter will be attached to this post.