tyler59

The Life of a Secret Smoker

Blog Post created by tyler59 on Sep 21, 2019

Hello, my name is Bruce Tyler,Today is Sept 21,2019...I have stopped smoking for the last and final time.Over the past 5 years or so I have been an on and off again secret smoker.To me a secret smoker is as low as you can go,It might of been only a few smokes a day but it was the way I smoked them and the way they made me feel that has finally put me over the edge .Everyone knows me as a non-smoker...I quit about 6 years ago...but I have been lying to myself and everyone else.No I have not been smoking a lot..maybe 4 or 5 smokes a day which helped me justify in my mind that what I was doing wasn't that bad.It has been a roller coaster of a ride.You cannot believe the thoughts that go through the head of a secret smoker.One minute you are 100% against smoking and the next you are hiding behind the shed smoking a cigarette as fast as you can so you don't get caught.I won't even begin to account for how many packs I bought and then threw out only half smoked.I would run out a by a pack,smoke the first one and become mad and just crunch up the pack and walk away only to repeat this process over and over again.Being a secret smoker is also very harmful to your mental health as you struggle with the emotions of trying to be a relaxed and happy no-smoker one minute and fidgety shaky smoker the next.

 

Let me tell you a little about myself and my back ground.I am 6' 2" tall male about 210 pounds and in pretty good shape.I was a former US Marine in my youth and have always led a active life style.I drank a lot in the early years and also smoked a lot.Hanging around bars was just a part of my life and I saw nothing wrong with it..at first.By the time I was 30..I was married and beginning to take life serious or at least a bit more serious.I had a few run ins with the police for drunk and disorderly and even got a DUI...I started to think a lot about where my life was going.The years went on and when I was in my 40's I got a divorce ...Everyone thought I was going off the deep end but I showed them all who I really was..I stopped Drinking and have never looked back..I have been 100% clean and booze free for 20 years or more.I wanted to stop smoking to but this was a lot harder than the booze...But I was showing signs of maturing and being responsible for my actions.I lived a good ten years as a single guy.I was working long days and spending my free time mostly by myself as my new life style was keeping me away from bars and old friends.I was okay with this as I have always been comfortable with myself and spending time alone.I spent a lot of time reading,walking,riding bikes and cycles. .I ended up moving to Florida and 5 years ago re-married..We are very happy as I work part time Online and also work as an Airport Transportation Driver taking people to and from airports all over the state.My wife is a nurse and works for the state and guess what..she's a smoker.

 

I had been off the smokes for about a year..(2012)...When I came to Florida.After I met my wife and we started dating I started smoking again with her...Then I quit..then I started again..then I quit....You get the picture.I'm not blaming her for getting me smoking again,she was against it.So one day I announced the big Quit day...(2014)..and started my new life as a Non Smoker.Well it went okay for a while...3 days ,a week,a month...Than a cigarette...This was the point I started my new gig as a Secret Smoker.I decided in my mind No one would ever see me smoke again.I would work all day and then find a place to have a smoke which would make me sick but it was my little treat for working so hard and I looked forward to it everyday...I could always find a way to sneak out of house and have a smoke...I felt terrible lying to my wife and everyone else but a smoke now and then was worth it..or so I thought.I think what really changed my thinking about smoking was a book I read by Allen Carr..It was a completely different approach to quitting I had never heard before.After reading his book I stopped for a couple months with out any withdrawal's at all....But I slipped and started My life as a secret smoker again..Well Today is Day 2 as a Non-smoker...I am more determined then ever to remain a non-smoker for the rest of my life.I am going to discuss more on the life of a secret smoker later but For now I want to thank you for reading this and I hope some of you can relate..until next time ...Have a Great Non-smoking day!

 

Edited by Mark for link solicitation.

Outcomes