Please help!  How do I even start?

Blog Post created by tyke1980 on Mar 14, 2019

Hello everyone.  I joined this group a couple months ago but I guess I wasn't ready to really take this step and participate until now.  I'm 38 and started smoking at the age of 22.  I quit a few times cold turkey but it didn't last.  I struggle with mental illness, eating disorders, anxiety, PTSD and depression to name a few.  I also have health conditions and was diagnosed with early COPD last year which scared me but not enough apparently.  I also have a rare stomach disease that has no treatment or cure.  This made me really want to start to put my health first as smoking can aggravate some conditions and some medications I'm on and I will have to discontinue them if I don't quit.  I don't know where to begin.  My anxiety around even starting is awful with so much going on at once.  I thought I just did it out of boredom and to an extent, I do.   I take 2 puffs at a time.   I tell myself that 2 puffs is OK but that can add up to 8-10 cigs a day.  I just can't seem to start even though it's the one thing I want and NEED most in life.  I don't feel "good".  I have always been very athletic and active and now this has taken away that pleasure and freedom.  I hate it but I can't quit.  I'm sure you can all relate a little to that statement in some way.  I do have the nicotine patches and bought the gum.  I tried the gum alone but the boredom hits and I give in.  I haven't tried the patches because I want to get to that place where I'm really committed.  It's a huge and scary step.  Nicotine replacement is expensive so I can't keep trying over and over.  I know it might require that and worth it in the end.  I would really appreciate ANY and ALL advice on how to get the motivation and will power to quit.  I have a huge problem with mornings. I don't smoke inside but I have a door right off my bedroom.  The FIRST thing I do is crawl out of bed and take those first 2 puffs.  It messes up any attempts to quit for the rest of the day.   I don't know if it's just habit or if it's because my body is in withdrawal by the morning.  I always said, "I can quit any time because I'm not addicted, it's just a habit I need to break".  I'm not so sure that is true.  It is partly habit because I have rituals.  Smoke before eating, after eating, making food, before I go somewhere, etc...  I no longer smoke in my car which has been great and cuts back on daily cigs.  Now I just need to find other ways and motivation to change other areas of my life so I'm not so easily back in the "habit".  Thank you all for taking the time to read this and offer any advice!  Hope everyone is well.