I'm now nine days into this and according to my tracker (cessation nation) I would've smoked 178 cigarettes and spent $59.00 on cigarettes if I had chosen not to quit! From that perspective it sounds great and don't get me wrong, I'm happy... but am I? Wow what a question to ask myself so instead let me say what's been happening since my last update. I was in KY for the 4th with my mom, sis and other family members. I was so worried about the drive so I stocked up on everything I thought would help. After loading the truck it looked like it was Halloween with all that stuff.. I just laughed and said to myself just drive. Actually the drive wasn't that bad and for those of you who smoked on long trips you will understand. I have made this trip too many times to even guess but I do know on road trips I was NEVER satisfied while driving and it was smoke after smoke. This trip I learned every part of driving was connected to smoking. I didn't need triggers they were physical memories. I would smoke when getting on/off the freeway, before/after gas stops, crossing state lines, in traffic, when the road was wide open.... You know what I mean... I celebrated every mile, half hour etc.. by having a smoke. Now that's crazy! Upon arrival I was so thrilled to look my dying mom in the eyes and tell her the cancer pain and emphasemia she is dying of won't be in vain. I told her I would give it my best to and never smoke again. The drive home was easier and my Halloween bucket is looking rough but damnit I did it.... So am I really happy ... I miss the hell out of smoking and it saddens me but yah... I am happy! Gotta go for the night... Love you all and good luck everyone.... I'm pulling for all of you.
