As I travel the first few steps of my Quit, I am very alert to anything that may derail me. The weekend was kind to me and did not represent any real challenges. At least nothing that I couldn't overcome. Not that I'm complaining...I know that I'm really lucky to have not been put to a real test.
In the evenings, after a hard fought day, I found myself musing with that part of my consciousness that sits on my left shoulder...you know...the one with the horns. I started to let thoughts like the following creep into my head, "...I can have one..." "...I have shown self control, one won't hurt..." and the worst one in my mind, "...I've done good so far, I deserve a little reward!" Fortunately, I was able to quickly see the ridiculousness of these thoughts and could emphatically say NOPE!
However, had I been drinking I probably would have not had the willpower to say no to my cravings. I know myself, and It will be a few more weeks before I think about trying to test that demon.
Another thought that kept going though my mind was my desire to not return to this community with the bad news that I caved into my cravings. I don't want to tell anyone that is supporting me that I failed. My rational mind knows that it is ok to fail, and that failing is sometimes the next step on the road to success. My irrational mind, however, is it's own monster...
I know that everyone here is so very understanding, nonjudgmental, and supportive and would be right there next to me should I ever stumble and fall. I may just need that one day, but it is not today...and tomorrow doesn't look good either
The feeling of not being alone is something that I could perceive from the day I joined. As I read all the info, posts, blogs, questions, etc... It was clear to me that this is a place of sanctuary and healing. Everyone here will do whatever they can to help anyone else quit smoking. No questions asked, no judgement passed.
I would encourage any newcomers to embrace that feeling and wear it like a nice warm blanket. I surely have.
Thank you all for your kindness, encouragement, and wisdom. I will never be able to express how helpful it has all been so far and how useful it will be in the future. You have all been where I'm going and have blazed a trail that I'd be foolish not to follow. I walk in the footsteps of giants.
108.06 Smoke Free Hrs
4.50 Smoke Free Days
Jigsaw puzzles occupy my mind-and help me to not think about smoking
Buying gum in bulk is an adventure at Sam's Club
Deep breaths are gifts that I haven't received in 20 years
I am a tiny bit less afraid of failing than I was a few days ago