The last two days have been hellish. It was crazy at my job both days, and my fuse is so, so, so short. I’m not snapping at anyone but honest to God I felt like I was going to snap in two on the inside. I try to keep myself professional but there were just times that I felt like I was going to go over the edge. I even got kind of emotional yesterday. I mean, not for no reason—my boss reprimanded me for a mistake I made. And I am normally sensitive but I actually felt hypersensitive. It was the first really bad mistake I’ve made since starting the job 4 months ago. But I’m a perfectionist so it stung.
Tonight i’m trying my best to quiet my mind so that I can fall asleep soon. It’s only 8:15 PM here in LA but I want to go to the gym early in the morning. But I just want the rollercoaster to stop. I don’t mean to sound whiney. But enough. I know this is all a process, and I have to be patient; but I just feel like it all gets out of control sometimes. I’m going to meditate after I finish this blog, and pray to a higher power for some healing and help. Between missing my partner Aaron, to feeling terribly lonely lately, to nonstop chaos at my job which is now being absorbed into my body and mind...I just need relief. I hope this gets better. XO Mark