Do I feel a good difference when I smoke? NO! Only that I come outside to smoke one and now my chest feels tighter. My hands stink, my breath stinks and it feels gross.
How do I make a change?
Anytime the thought of “just one more”comes into my head I need to ask myself “what should I do now that actually benefits me instead of smoking?” I won’t give in! I’ll let the feeling/craving come, feel it and realize my body is really just fighting and healing itself!
When the addict in me reads this and tries to convince me one won’t hurt ask her “then why do I want it? Why do I feel like I need it so bad if it doesn’t hurt me?” Bc it does hurt and that monster in me is trying to convince me I need and want it. I’m filling myself with everything I hate about them.
So now I challenge myself not to smoke at all. EVER. Bc that means I will. I win over this stupid little stick that I think I need when all it does is give me a headache, makes me tired, lazy, makes me nauseous and dizzy and stink! Stink so bad I have to wash my hands several times, brush my teeth, change my clothes. Feel embarrassed, ashamed and down right disgusting!
I choose to be free!
I just had had to get this out as a craving came over me. Excuse any typos as I was anxiously typing away.
-Mollie
