The energy burst I had the other afternoon, burst and then fled. I am just so tired.
It's grey and rainy today--although warmer. I actually like this weather typically, but today it is more reflective of my mood.
I know a cigarette will not make me feel better--I mean, the dopamine buzz may momentarily, but the ensuring guilt and disappointment won't be worth it. But, I have had a habit of doing those kinds of things most of my life--the momentary, fleeting sense of feeling "good" or worthwhile would supersede the inevitable crash. I did that with cigarettes, men, drinking, spending money etc. Well, I managed to get over doing that with men and booze and money, but the cigs held on. So, I still feel that same pull towards them.
I just want to go back to bed and turn today off, but alas, things to do, people to see, places to go. Sigh.
