Smoking and Personality Change?

Blog Post created by ltbrown022 on Aug 7, 2019

Today is day 135 for me. For those of you who have read my post and comments to others you know that the biggest struggle has been my emotions. While I have come a long way and I am proud of myself, I still feel out of sorts. I have gotten things under control in the fact that I don’t burst out into tears, I’m not sad and down all the time, I can feel the anxiety coming and I can tell it to stop and go away. I have some good days and I have some bad days, but everyday I have to try to.  When I smoked it seemed my happiness and joy came easily, effortlessly and now it’s kind of a battle. I am more paranoid than I ever was and I overthink everything. A few of my friends have mentioned that I am not my joking, sarcastic fun-loving self, and they are right. I’m not. I slip into being quiet and serious and paranoid that my friends don’t want me around etc... without even really noticing. My friends will say to each other “oh she’s having a good day,” or “oh she’s having a bad day.” Nice that they care but also stressful to have people constantly monitoring my behavior. 

I’m scared that this is the new me. I don’t like this person. I want to be the way I was. I don’t think I’m depressed anymore like I was in the beginning of my quit, but things are still hard. Did this happen to anyone else? I just want reassurance that in more time my personality will return. I’ve read in many places that personalities tend to improve quitting but in my case I think it’s the opposite.