I began my love/hate relationship 17 years ago. I was 21. I have always struggled with anxiety and depression and this little poison comforted me. I enjoyed it. Despite all the risks and warnings, it became a fun companion to take with me..in the car, hanging out, drinks...whether I was happy, sad, mad, bored, anxious, full...it was there to trick me into thinking I needed it. Thinking it was harmless to have only a few a day, I didn't realize I was leashing a beast in my head by making the choice to smoke. Whether I quit today or "tomorrow", I will face the inevitable consequences...of the hard reality. Smoking will eventually conquer my health or I will go through a mental war to beat the monster. The choices I make today affect my tomorrow, just like starting this love/hate affair when I was 21..has affected me since. Ugh. I can't undo it and I can't remove my desire to want to smoke. I just breathe and remind myself it's unhealthy to be dependent on a liar. It's up to me whether or not I want it to contol me. But I must say it sucks!!!!!
