I am different, the Playground isn't.

Blog Post created by gregp136 on Jul 3, 2019

I walk on to the playground this morning, having 18 days of smoke free joy behind me.  It is great to see all the kids playing and having fun, and celebrating life without nicotine.  There are always a few kids on the swings, in the sand box, using the slide, or just chatting with other kids.  A wonderful playground filled with kids supporting each other against that bully nicotine.


As many of you know, I have been coming to this playground since March of 2017.  I had a beautiful 5 month quit going, and the nicotine bully got me.  Kids here on the playground continued to support me, care for me, and let me know they were there whenever I needed them.


18 days is by far the longest have have gone since I failed.  I again feel like this is a real and successful, lifelong quit. And it is made possible because I did continue to come here, even though I was still smoking.  I continued to draw support from others, learn about myself and the bully, and work towards succeeding.  I must have had at least 20 failures between then and now.  But people are still here for me.


But this quit is so very different from my big one.  That was all fireworks and excitement.  There were huge highs, and the lowest of the lows.  It was one exciting moment to the next, with everyone around me, supporting me, helping me through.  And I believed I needed that high level of excitement to get though the fights with the Nicotine Bully.  I was able to knock him on his tushie with the adrenaline of my quit. 


This time I do not have the huge highs and lows.  It is a very sedate quit.  I am happy I am on day 18, but not surprised.  And I know that I will continue to add the days, but I am not doing cartwheels.  I am pleased, but not "over the moon".  


And the temptations and cravings are also not as severe.  They pop up, I put them aside.  Yes, I have punched a few pillows, screamed at a few inanimate objects, and taken many deep breathes while chewing a truck load of gum, but the temptations do not go to the depth of my soul they did in the past.  


So I guess my advice, to those who want to read it, is to not try to recreate a past quit, but instead quit where you are and accept any help you can get from the other kids on the program.