So I am 89 days free of the poison! I wanted to share with you all, that I never realized how much, our emotions were tangled in with smoking. It still baffles me. lol You know when we started smoking, most of us did it to feel we were part of ' in crowd '. Or when we went to big parties during college etc... . But when did it get to the point that we smoked to deal with our emotions? Never, ever did I see that coming when I quit. I really never read anywhere that that was coming. Didn't have the answer in my tool box either. I just had a good long cry one day, and things got better. I started to pay attention to when the crave came on, I would notice that I just got annoyed with my husband, or got an exciting phone call from family back home. I guess what I'm saying is, that I heard people quitting got angry because they couldn't have the smoke, but I figured it was only because they needed the nicotine. While I was a smoker, I rarely payed attention to the lives of ' addicts ' (even though I was one too). I figured people who drank or did drugs, did this to not have to deal with life. But we as smokers, smoked but were still sober and knew what was going on around us.
But you know, through this quit I realized, I would retreat from what was going on to go have smoke. And while I was having this smoke, I calmed down. Or I would just let the feeling go and forget about it. However now, I can't go and have that smoke, and that is where that ' lost ' feeling would come in, especially at the beginning of my quit. Things have been better of course lately, now I understand all of this a little better!
So I guess I just wanted to share with other newbies, that man do we go through a roller coaster of emotions when quitting. We had a smoke to go along with every dang emotion. lol So it's not just standing there and getting cranky, no, you really kinda freak out in the head and don't know what to do with yourself. I did this for weeks, and then on the third week I think it was, I broke down and just cried and cried. Let it all out, and called my sister and she said ' what's going on? " and I said " I'm not sure, but it feels like I lost my best friend, the smoke was there with me to deal with everything apparently, it got me through the sad times, the good times. Not sure what to do now " After that good cry, things became much easier in the emotion department. Now I just deal with what is going on around me, I face the feelings and then keep moving forward. Just like all non smokers do.