45 years ... wow. It's time.

Blog Post created by forgivememyhrt on May 18, 2020

  Today, while teaching online, I felt a sharp pain in my heart, and an almost simultaneous dizziness.  It happened 3 times, terrifyingly.  I ended the class early, awkwardly.   I walked around.  What scares me is the thought of "dropping dead".  Not going softly at the end of my life, in bed and with my hand held; that doesn't scare me.  It's the BOOM lights-out scenario.  Hello!  I'm usually Miss Sunshine; just that today this thing happened and I don't know what to do.


I haven't smoked for 6 days.   I'm in the process of trying to quit.  I have marvelled at the difference in my body even in just those 6 days, but then this heart pain thing.   Yikes.  


Funny; I was thinking, near the end of my class, that I might go buy a pack and just have ONE .   After all, I was feeling better; less coughing (allergies, of course) and mucus (oh, that's bronchitis caused by the allergies), and of course, the urges have been fierce all week.   I keep telling the little *******: "O.K. Tomorrow we'll take a walk to the mini-mart." 

So today was going to be the tomorrow, but now I'm listening to my heart, the real physical heart, rather than that little nicotine-*******.    


  Turns out, God's not gonna make an exception in my case.  So here goes.  I'm doing this.  Thanks guys.  I need you.