Now with 40 days of freedom behind me, I look farther on down the trail to see what May has in store. As I approached the end of my first month, I found myself on slippery rocks crossing a stream. My mind (the little monster) was trying to get me to go back to my old ways of thinking. The constant craving in one’s mind about smoking that, if allowed, becomes an obsession. I could write a long blog pointing out different people here that have helped me tremendously since I began this hike to freedom. Many were there reaching out their hand steadying me across the rocks, not wishing to see me swept away.
A couple of the elders reminded me to remember what I was seeking, reminded me that my thoughts were not rational and healthy. That I must refocus, get the little monster away from me and regain my footing. On a weekend camping trip, I was still a bit shaky to start with, but then was able to remember yet another elder’s bit of advice - to keep my eye on where I was going! Not to turn around looking to where I had been. As I hiked that weekend, I once again was able to visualize myself on my personal hike to freedom and how nice and peaceful it would be once I reached my destination.
As I hiked that weekend, I also thought of the others along the trail close by and what an inspiration they have been as well. To know that I’m not the only one having difficulties crossing the stream, climbing over the rocks, avoiding the pitfalls. Their strength gave me renewed strength and I reached the other side of the stream.
A bit of an uphill climb thereafter, but then I looked over my earlier blogs and discovered yet another piece of good advice - hang onto these and look over them later on when you need reminding of where you are and why you want this for yourself. After doing that, the trail has leveled out and I’m on sure footing again.
Oh the little monster - he still tries to drop branches on my head or roots that jump up trying to trip me up, but my guard is up again and I’m able to dodge around the tricks he lobs at me. I’m hoping that this level part will last awhile, and any renegade trails that may seem the best route, I will be wise enough to avoid.
As I look farther down the trail to see what May has in store … one day at a time.