The beautiful woman in the middle of my profile picture was my aunt Michelle. She was 46 had a husband, two daughters who were 10 and 14 and hundreds of people who loved her. She was a school teacher, a mother, a sister, a wife, and was too good for this world. She was only 10 when I was born and was more of a sister to me then an aunt. We lost her Tuesday night in a car crash. It's been an unbearable hellish week and it's hard to see others just going about life as if this didn't happen.
Through it all I haven't wanted one cigarette. I'll never smoke a cigarette again. There was always that worry in the back of my mind that I would relapse. But I'll never take life for granted like that again. Her little girls are going to need me to live a long time for them. Her 14 year old is so strong I can't believe it. She's always been different. Even at 14 she still wants to hang out with me and my sister as if we are cool. She's not the typical sullen brat that I was when I was that age.
I can't believe she is gone. My sister said she was the warmth of the family. When she hosted family get togethers she'd never want to put dessert out because she said she didn't want any of us to leave. So most of the time family parties didn't end for at least 6 hours. She was the crier in the family, she'd cry when she was sad or happy, she was the one who'd cry at the hallmark card commercials (we all know the type). We always said "don't tell michelle that (insert something sappy here) because you know she'll start crying" lol, it was the running joke in our family. My family will never get over this and it's a hard pill to swallow knowing that at some point I'm going to have to continue with everyday normal life. It doesn't feel right and I feel a little dead inside.
So to anyone out there new to this site who isn't sure that they want to commit to a quit please consider the fact that when you smoke you're taking your life for granted, which we all kinda know. But you're also taking your family for granted, your friends for granted and anyone else who cares about you for granted too. It's really hard to quit but we all have it within our power to do it. You just have to dig deep. I now don't have to worry about relapse anymore.
