I've been having a hard time these past couple of weeks dealing with my stress. I have had to go back to some of my original coping mechanisms to get through some really hard feelings of wanting to smoke, things I haven't had to use in months. I had hoped that by now stress wouldn't be such a trigger as it has been recently. But I guess if stress isn't the reason we have thoughts of smoking then what is. I'm in school and I am starting to get into a routine and enjoy what I'm doing, but now I'm also dealing with the fact that I've ignored my mothers drinking for so long that it has come to a point where something needs to be done. She's been getting hurt more and more due to being drunk, and a few weeks ago I found out that she is regularly getting behind the wheel after drinking. So me and my sister decided it was time to dig everyone's head out of the sand and try to get her to help herself. I think I've done all the right things to prepare for the intervention by taking my time planning it and involving a professional. But the idea that this won't work or that she won't speak to me again weighs so heavily on me that I swear the weight of it is going to flatten me to the ground. I've even noticed myself having thoughts of I wish I still smoked 
. I hate that. I've worked so hard to get to this point and I know I won't smoke but those kinds of thoughts even if fleeting disappoint me because I feel at this point I shouldn't be having them. I just keep telling myself that by this time next week the intervention will be over and I'll have my answer one way or another. My poor therapist is going to have a mess on her hands this week lol.
