5 months today

Blog Post created by constanceclum on Dec 29, 2019

And I'm looking for the word to describe where I'm at because I'm definitely not "nicotine recovered", but nothing fits. Occassionally I miss smoking. Back to those pre-copd days when I could have a cigarette without giving it a second thought. Those times are very rare now, but I still have ?. Like being halfway in the car and my brain realizes that this is when I'm supposed to light up. Then an automatic NOPE and on with my day. But there is a "feeling"  associated with that realization that I can't place.I guess urge is the only word that feels somewhat appropriate but it really isn't quite that strong. Anyway, I can have several of "those" a day, and I'm wondering if this is my new normal because I really wish they'd go away.


I'm having a copd flare-up so I'm not breathing well and not feeling well. I called my lung Drs office and told them how I was feeling and that I didn't want to go to the ER because it's full of flu people so they sent me for a chest-ray and called in some prednisone. 


I'm meeting with a surgeon on thurs. about putting in a "port". I've had monthly IV's of antibodies for immune deficiency and will have them the rest of my life so we decided a port would be more convenient and comfortable for me. I also have my lung CT scan in Jan. to check on the nodule and see if I'll need to go to Duke or not.


For the most part I try to just turn things over to God and stay stress free, but sometimes it gets to me. Thank God for all of you that without fail, helps me stay calm.