anaussiemom

A Peek In My Life

Blog Post created by anaussiemom on Mar 11, 2018

I had a very bittersweet Christmas in 2017.   Doesn't feel that long ago, to me on some days.  I believe  I have just a handful of soulmates in my life.   Faye one of soulmates, died 2 days after Christmas.  Faye's beautiful daughter, called to tell me she had passed away.  "I went into shock. I said Ali!  That cannot be I just spoke with her on Christmas Eve"!!  Ali, said I want you to know how much my mom loved you!!"  I said stop this isn't happening"!  She sobbed I sobbed. 


Beautiful, Geniuses, Sassy, Hilarious, Faye, and her only grand baby, Nova. (2017)

She had called me on the eve of/  to tell me how much she loved me.  I giggled and said I know that silly woman'   She giggled and said Merry Christmas"  I said Faye did you just wake up? 
She resided in Cali. I Ohio.  (few hour difference between us in time zones).  She said, no I have a cold think I will have to see the doc".  She  said it might get serious" . I said please go to ER.  She said no they'll take me away in a death wagon"!!  I said what?  She said that's what it is.  I said first off your soul will never be in a death wagon.  I said that's a horrible description, of how they tend to the vessel, you or anyone doesn't live in anymore"  I understood her wording, as best I could had no clue where that idea of her dying was coming from. So I was so not in tune, and let it pass by, thinking whole other topic. 
Long story very very short, Sweet fabulous Ali, had Faye's funeral pod cast? I think?  Techno sped I".   Anyway I listened to some singing, I could not watch it .   I felt she just couldn't be gone. 

Chrsitmas bittersweet continues..in the craziness...My Kel and Con come TO USA.  That was real bittersweet.  Another day. Another topic.

Week after Christmas,
Go to my sissy's for late Christmas Celebration!  My sissy's Gorgeous Grandson Delion is there loving my silly camera taking pics of everything.  I'm awed by his innocence and having a fun time with him  He likes to be called D" 

D" and I  (2017)

D"  Having just the best time.!! Hubby Dean in back ground

Grandpa Kenny  and D"

D"  handing Dean and I our gifts...  Showing me how strong he is
 I Delighted,  in his fun. <3
While I was still processing my soulmate Faye's death. 

Hind sight stuff!  Wondering how I could be so clueless.  Faye was so scared of dying like her mom.  Leona her mom had died one year before on Christmas day."  She was scared she was next....We spoke endlessly about it.  It was a heavy blow for Faye.  Faye having terrible nightmares she was next!  I thinking that's absurd!  But, listened to Faye...All hours of the night.  I  never minded.  That what love is., Being there!  Hind sight says even looking at her pic she was dying and she never told me !! WHY??
  She knew I would fly to Cali and camp out on her couch.  She wouldn't have it"!  Ali says. She said you had a new marriage and that I needed to focus on that."  NO !! SHE NEEDED A DAMN KIDNEY!! IF I HAD KNOWN SHE WAS WAITING FOR ONE!!!  WHY WHY DID MY SISTER, MY BESTEST ,NOT TELL ME.??? I was told she didnt want even her siblings to know.  SHE COULD STILL BE ALIVE, IF MORE HAD KNOWN.  (I believe).

I could scream right now, writing this and feeling angry, I didn't get to give her daily giggles while she was alive.  
 I love you Faye!  There will never be another you!  YOU were a burden to no one EVER!  Forever your Friend.
UPDATE.  FAYE, PASSED AWAY DUE TO KIDNEY FAILURE.!!  I WOULD HAVE GIVEN HER MY KIDNEY IF A SIMPLE BLOOD TEST, COULD HAVE MADE IT SO.  COMPATIBILITY WITH BLOOD TYPES ETC..SHE WAS HAVING DIALYSIS, AND DID NOT SHARE THAT WITH ME.  .  Of course I have a some guilt normal, I know.  GIVING away anything to help anyone,  is and always will be my motto.  

How does this matter, as far as smoking.   She was livid about my smoking,  she would say stop the death sticks!!
So another day to be free, so I'm not hauled away IN a death wagon"!!

Kim 

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