I am so happy to be at this date again; certainly more happy than I was the last time I hit 49 days. It truly has clicked that I have not given anything up or lost anything - I'm actually winning the game this time.
During a particularly difficult moment yesterday the thought of just smoking a cigarette "to feel better" popped forcefully into my consciousness, or even having a beer to "relieve stress." I did neither. As much as I truly realized that those things would not fix that noise coming from the struts in my car or explain why my loafy senior kitty turned down food for the first time in his life and is having problems with his throat, a lot of it had to do with not wanting to give up those 48 days.
This morning I drove my car to the mechanic (for the 2nd Saturday in a row) and then walked a mile home in the rain (it was nice, though) and my kitty has regained his energy and spirit and I'm really glad I didn't smoke.
I have a first date tomorrow and it might actually be the first I've gone on as a non smoker since I was a teenager, so that's pretty exciting. I think I probably won't drink, but it's not really a rule I have in my life, I'm just really digging how it feels.
Anyway, you guys are swell and I feel like I wouldn't have made it this far without all your help and education and camaraderie and commiseration.