TurboRose

Day 1 - I Stumbled Coming Out of the Starting Gate

Blog Post created by TurboRose on Jul 1, 2017

I thought it was a good idea to stop smoking last night at midnight.  It might have been a good idea but it didn’t work out the way I envisioned.  I woke up this morning feeling very anxious and craving a smoke.  I took the dog for a walk and found some butts I hadn’t thrown away.  By 8:30am, I was smoking one.  I stumbled and I needed to decide the best way to proceed.  Sleeping kept me from smoking but it’s during my waking hours when I’m faced with having to make a choice that matters.  I couldn’t leave the house to get cigarettes due to a parade.  It gave me time to ride it out but I became obsessed with having a cigarette.  The butt may have taken the edge off but it wasn’t satisfying and I didn’t want it to be my last memory of smoking.  It left me wanting more.  I decided to reset my stop time to 12 noon.  By the time the parade ended, I had about an hour before noon.  I bought a pack of cigarettes, kept 3, threw away the rest and smoked until noon.  It’s almost 10 hours later and I’m hanging in there.  I feel empowered because I’m choosing not to smoke.  I didn’t judge or condemn myself for stumbling and I wanted to start again.  I decided not to hide, lie or pretend like it didn’t happen.  I knew I would be encouraged, supported and not judged.  Tomorrow morning, I’ll take my first daily pledge.

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