The day I quit (again)

Blog Post created by Tabbiekat on Jan 11, 2019

Staying quit, not allowing the nic demon to take over and rule your thoughts is hard. Things happen, brush yourself off and work to make the next quit attempt stick. I am still kicking myself for losing my quit of 10 1/2 months, I quit again November 19th, but started again Dec 22nd. I know what led up to starting again both times, but they are just poor excuses. I need to find ways to work through my grief and pain without smoking. Without using the nicotine to numb me and without using other substances or actions to do the same I am working to find and use healthy alternatives should I get hit with the desire to light up again just to avoid the emotional pain I am going through. For those who don't know my husband passed Sept 18th, 10 1/2 months after I quit, 6 weeks after he quit. I know his last month was easier on him health wise, I know it was not the quitting that ended his life, but yes the thought did cross my mind a lot. He smoked for 50 years and died 6 weeks after he quit. I made the mistake of lighting up and breaking my 10 1/2 month quit then. Three months later I quit and 5 weeks later let the emotions take over and started again. That was three weeks ago and today  I have quit again.


I had my last sickarette last night. I set my new quit date for after the holidays and after my long weekend away was planned. I took 6 days away from home, 6 days to visit with friends, spend some time alone and some of that time I met up with a guy who emailed me back in mid December. We hit it off so well we agreed while taking things slow, to make our relatioship official and exclusive. He has been a huge support in all ways possible and has been encouraging me every day for the last 3 weeks to once and for all quit smoking. It's always good to have the support.


My day started off with me waking up to my cat meowing to go outside, so I got up went to the front door, my dog who normally does not want to go outside that early was right at my feet wanting to go outside too. I had not turned on any lights, still had not put my glasses on, but hey I opened the door, two cats came in, one went out and my dog was waiting for me to give her the go ahead. I pushed the door semi closed so I could grab my jacket and the edge of the metal weather strip made contact (not in a good way) with my big toe. Using the porch light I already saw blood. I quickly hobbled to the kitchen, grabbed some paper towels and wrapped my toe, turned the kitchen light on, saw I had a few drops across the kitchen to clean up so I did that, slipped my sandals on and took the dog out, I didn't smoke. I came back in, filled a bucket with bleach water and really scrubbed the floor. I finally grabbed the first aid box, alcohol and a small bucket with warm water. Cleaned, disinfected, salved and bandaged my toe. Due to the nature of the slice, not clean enough to warrant a stitch, it had stopped bleeding, but since it was the metal weather strip I knew it would be advisable to get a tetanus booster since I couldn't remember when I had my last one- either 3 or 7 yrs ago- either to get one. I do have insurance and the shot would be free, but my doctors visit would not be covered due to a high deductible. Yippee for Walmart having the booster on hand. My small town Walmart is notorious for not having something and I really did not want to drive the hour South. With a 3-8" snow storm coming this evening I knew I needed to get it taken care of.

Mid morning by the time I got home, dealing with health insurance, medicines, applying for an online job, the gas guy stopping by to inform they are replacing the gas line to my meter, they are going to tear up the concrete, but they will re-poor it and also relight my water heater and furnace once they are done. The mail came, husband had a notice from child support- he hadn't paid in the last two months and they were going to put a lean on him. Meaning I will have to battle the IRS when it comes to getting the tax return.


All in all a wonderful day since I have gone 20 hrs without smoking at this point