My daughter is actually still asleep *knock on wood*. So I have some time to myself which is rare. Because of the quiet I got to thinking about my previous quit attempts. I have come to realize something important. At least for me it was important.
All those other times I let the excuses, the rationalizing and mood swings affect me. Which led me back to smoking. This time is different. When I feel the cravings coming on, or the voices that say "You're fine you can just have one". Rather than just saying no, or arguing with myself and letting the voice keep talking and wearing me down; I now say to myself "That's the addiction talking" and I ignore it and it goes away.
I think that has been the key turning point for me. Now I have known that smoking is an addiction for a long time, but I never really understood it. I thought it wasn't as bad as heroine or alcohol. I didn't really understand how it changes the brain's chemicals and nor did I realize that other people were hearing the same nagging inner voice.
Thanks to this site, it's links and the wonderful people who share here. I have been able to change my mindset this time. I know now that I'm not the only one who has or is going through this. Many have. It's not always as easy as those people who say "I just up and quit one day with no problems".
Now I look at smoking for what it really is, an addiction. I am a junkie and the cigarette companies are drug dealers who don't care what happens to their users so long as the money keeps flowing. When I remind myself of these things it strengthens my resolve. I tell myself it's the addiction talking and the nagging voice goes away. I am able to distract myself with something else and remind myself that I am choosing to be a non-smoker. I am choosing to not be ruled by an addiction and I am taking back control of my life and my health.
Now I just need to figure out these anger issues....