When I left work last Friday, I said I wouldn't be back until after my weekend
as I would be busy. I was busy, and finally made it back later on Sunday afternoon.
Some of you may recall me talking about my upcoming surgery, I have a partially
torn ACL, (My mind thought it was 16 years old on May 6th) I swung from a rope
and landed almost perfectly, but hyper-extended my right knee. Dropped clean
to the ground in pain and no stability in my right knee!
Would I like to have it replaced? YES by all means, Yes! It would allow me to be
able to run around again with the grandkids as I am the fun grandma who wrestles
and has fun. That's the tomboy in me!
Friday when I got home, my first test at being a quitter happened.....
The phone rang and it was the gal who checks insurance coverage for the surgery,
because they want to collect the amount due at time of service....and the amount
she told me I would be responsible for was only for the surgical room itself, not the
surgeon fee, or the anesthesiologist fee was beyond what I could comprehend it
being. What is the point of even having insurance at this point is all I can ask....
I became angry and told her that she could just cancel the surgery, as I am not
going to pay that kind of money to be laid up for 7 to 8 months anyway, when I am
completely able to still ride my bike, and walk, but just can't run. Can't sit Indian
style either, but these things I can't do, are not necessities.
Anyways, while I was becoming angry about the whole insurance thing, I felt that
deep down urge to do what I normally would do, and grab that pack and lighter and
head for the door out to the deck. That is how much control I let the weed have
over my living experiences.
Although my quit is going very good, and I am in control, and I am very strong this
time around, that urge/craving was there, the habit that I let control "me" for so long,
it was so strong.....I have made up my mind that I will never smoke again.
It use to be "A Reason to Slip" for me.....but I choose to beat that craving down, and
be the winner in the end!
Proud to be a committed quitter!
Sandy
