My problem isn't really with cigarettes anymore, it is nicotine. I tried my first cigarette at 14. Tried my first dip at 16. Got hooked to dipping 4x a day when I was 19, got hooked to spliffs at 20 with heavy use every day for two years. Since then I have been on a progressive route towards quitting but haven't quite been able to get over the hill.
- I quit spliffs at 22
- quit dipping at 26
- picked up cigarettes at 26
- Quit cigarettes at 28
- Picked up vaping at 28
- Currently trying to quit vaping at 29
Maybe this is progress but it feels like I just simply can't kick the addiction. I've had stretches of 6 months in between where I have quit entirely, but then that little voice in the back of my head will tell me: "just once like the good old days," and boom I'm back in it neck deep just like I used to be. The funny thing is I have remained a top-level athlete throughout all of this. Whatever...I can't change the past.
This is it. I'm done and I'm sick of feeling like I haven't lived up to my potential because of this one thing. It makes me feel weak. Makes me feel like I'm wasting potential.