RachelN

Day 11

Blog Post created by RachelN on Aug 9, 2018

10 a.m.  I realize I hadn't coughed at all this morning.  It made me happy and I was feeling energized and proud of my decision to quit smoking.

 

1 p.m.  Cracked car windshield

2 p.m.  Dryer broke.  All of our bedsheets are wadded up and laying on the floor beside the washer.  Wet blankets in the washer.

2:10 p.m.  My thoughts turn to cigarettes.  I get angry that something I love so much can kill me.  It pisses me off!!!!!!

5 p.m.  Our grill won't start.  The stupid thing wouldn't lite.

6 p.m.  My husband comes home from a business trip.  We sit down to eat and I don't even know what set us all off but the arguing starts.  My kids are home from college for the summer and one is moving to China to teach English in 12 days. Everyone is gearing up to head off to school and on to their own little worlds.  Our family dinner times are getting ready to be over until next year before we can all be together again.  We all leave the room not speaking to each other.  I went to my bedroom and cried thinking,  " I can't do this, I need to smoke a cigarette."  Then I remembered something I read on here and I took a deep breathe and reminded myself I don't NEED a cigarette, I WANT one.  I kept repeating that to myself.  I don't need to smoke, I want to smoke.  Nothing about this ****** day will change if I smoke.  It won't make anything better, my dryer still will need to be repaired, my boys will still be grumpy with one another.  IT WILL CHANGE NOTHING!

 7:30 p.m.  My boys took our sheets and blankets to my parents to be dried.  My husband loaded the dishwasher and told me he call the insurance about my windshield.  

It's now going on 9, we are eating ice cream and watching pre-season football games on TV.  Everyone together and getting along.  I made it without smoking.  I've had ****** days like this day, we all do.  Things break, families fight, plans get messed up but to me this ****** day was the first one I manage to get through without a cigarette.  I don't know what tomorrow will bring.  I'm not ready to say NOPE.  I just wanted to say I made it through a crappy day, my day 11 without smoking.  

 

I want to also say thank you to everyone who has written their stories and shared their wisdom.  All of it came to my mind today and it helped.  

 

Rachel

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