Today was a pretty intense day for me. Not really with remaining smoke free though. I was actually surprised in a good way. I attended a seminar today and not once did I think about smoking until we took a break. However, I didn't crave a smoke and was so happy to not do that anymore. I spoke to people and wasn't afraid of having cigarette breath. Also, I gave one of my co-workers a great big hug because I was so happy to see her. I didn't hold my breath. I knew I smelled like cucumber and melon cream and nothing more. On my way home I needed to go to pick up some things for my daughter. I really didn't want to stop at CVS because it is a little out of the way home, so I just went to Duane Read. Crazy, but during my previous quit I was petrified to go to a place where I bought cigarettes in the past. Somehow this time it didn't bother me. I stood at the check out counter and paid for my things. Strangely I didn't have to talk to myself about not looking up towards the cigarettes. I simply didn't even think about it. It was as if they didn't exist. On my way back to the car I came to terms, finally, with my previous relapse. I did take the lessons of the past and I put them in the now. I didn't beat myself up like I did for the past three weeks about relapsing because I have learned some pretty valuable lessons. I have let go and let G_d. I think I realized that I may have needed to do what I did, so this time I would be stronger. Please don't be angry at me for all of my friends here who tried to tell me, but it does get easier! I am actually saying at times when a thought of smoking hits that "I don't do that anymore". For the most part I feel totally removed from smoking. Not all the time, but a large enough chunk of it where I almost forgot that I did smoke. A good kind of strange. Good day overall and am happy to be getting these revelations. They do feel amazing as all of you have told me they would. I will not doubt you any longer. I will continue to learn from you. Thank you for being in my life 
