Don't live in the past, but definitely bring lessons learned!

Blog Post created by MichelleDiane on May 6, 2018

Today was a pretty intense day for me.  Not really with remaining smoke free though.  I was actually surprised in a good way.  I attended a seminar today and not once did I think about smoking until we took a break.  However, I didn't crave a smoke and was so happy to not do that anymore.  I spoke to people and wasn't afraid of having cigarette breath.  Also, I gave one of my co-workers a great big hug because I was so happy to see her.  I didn't hold my breath.  I knew I smelled like cucumber and melon cream and nothing more.  On my way home I needed to go to pick up some things for my daughter.  I really didn't want to stop at CVS because it is a little out of the way home, so I just went to Duane Read.  Crazy, but during my previous quit I was petrified to go to a place where I bought cigarettes in the past.  Somehow this time it didn't bother me.  I stood at the check out counter and paid for my things.  Strangely I didn't have to talk to myself about not looking up towards the cigarettes.  I simply didn't even think about it.  It was as if they didn't exist.  On my way back to the car I came to terms, finally, with my previous relapse.  I did take the lessons of the past and I put them in the now.  I didn't beat myself up like I did for the past three weeks about relapsing because I have learned some pretty valuable lessons.  I have let go and let G_d.  I think I realized that I may have needed to do what I did, so this time I would be stronger.  Please don't be angry at me for all of my friends here who tried to tell me, but it does get easier!  I am actually saying at times when a thought of smoking hits that "I don't do that anymore".  For the most part I feel totally removed from smoking.  Not all the time, but a large enough chunk of it where I almost forgot that I did smoke.  A good kind of strange.  Good day overall and am happy to be getting these revelations.  They do feel amazing as all of you have told me they would.  I will not doubt you any longer.  I will continue to learn from you.  Thank you for being in my life