I gave in to the monkey on my back

Blog Post created by MelodyEve on Aug 16, 2018

(Sigh) Well I have beat myself up enough now so I'm back to try again. I know exactly what lead up to smoking that first cigarette and after 10 mins I went ahead and gave in. I had 5 days free of tobacco and it felt so good to breath and be able to walk and not get short of breath, food smelled and tasted so good, the air smelled so clean and fresh (although it can be debated nowadays lol), I was able to get quality sleep (which is something I haven't had in years), my overall health went from 35% to 85%.......I have a dilemma (depending on how you look at it), I can not set my quit date out......I can set it out maybe 3 days at the most (because that's how much tobacco and tubes I have left) and I don't have any way of purchasing anymore. I did however get a script for new patches and I will be covered for them by my insurance, but I want to throw all tobacco stuff away now and just start now instead of waiting. I haven't spoke to my doctor but I have had hoarseness for about 3 years now and my voice has changed. I wake up sometimes with a sore throat and coughing up thick clear mucus like gel. I'm scared something might be wrong with my throat from the smoking. I am so terrified of failing and not being able to do this, yet I'm scared to death of getting sick from it. I will sit down and right out a minute by minute routine and schedule and do my best to follow that to the best of my ability. I live alone in elderly/disabled housing, I don't have a car so I don't drive which keeps me from going a lot of places. I live out in the middle of nowhere. I will cut this short here since I sound like I'm rambling now. I will utilize every tool I have at hand, even the 1-800 number for my state.