Margaretd

Grateful to be a non-smoker during covid-19

Blog Post created by Margaretd Champion on Jun 21, 2020

I am so grateful that I was able to quit during this time.  I imagine how susceptible I would be to covid-19 if I were actively smoking.  Yet,  I know the threat of covid wouldn't stop me if I were still in the throes of nicotine addiction.  I would understand intellectually how at risk I was putting myself continuing to smoke but that would not stop me because nicotine addiction was stronger than I was. 

 

Next comes the humiliation  I would be feeling every time I went outside to smoke.  I would be especially embarrassed to smoke during this time so I'd go to any lengths to hide it. Going for a drive in my car was always an answer as my internal voice would say, "I want to enjoy a few smokes and the only place I can do that is in my car". Oh, how my car smelled.   What an insane addiction!

 

Today, I am free.  Nicotine no longer controls me, my wallet, or my actions.  I am so grateful.  I do not allow myself to forget how terrible nicotine addiction is.  

 

I come here (ex-community)  to get a reminder of how addictive nicotine is.  I don't want to forget.   When I read the person with 1 hour of nicotine freedom or two weeks quit, they remind me of how painful quitting is and I wonder, "will they be able to find the key to freedom?"  I need to hear those voices in pain to remind me I am no different. I remind myself by writing about it in my journal, watching people actively smoking and I witness the chains of addiction in front of me. 

 

Quick story.  Yesterday I was at a small exhibition which had two separate building locations.  Both were on a slight hill.  I watched a woman walking up the hill smoking a cigarette.  I watched as she struggled to breathe walking uphill but not willing to throw that cigarette away.  Her breathing was labored, she looked unhappy, she looked unhealthy.   I focused on her because I needed to remind myself what she was doing, I had done hundreds of time.  But not today, I've been given a reprieve.

 

 I'm filled with gratitude that I took this final chance to quit and I am free.   I can never pick up another cigarette, not one puff, if I do, I may never be able to quit again.  

 

I treasure this quit and I must take care of it.

 

Thanks for listening and allowing me to remind myself of how close I am to picking up nicotine and becoming imprisoned again.  

 

Thanks for helping me stay nicotine free today.  Margaret

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