Reminder of desperation....sad

Blog Post created by Mandolinrain on May 20, 2017

Went to my Nephews HS graduation tthis afternoon. Because his class is so large near 600 students, it was held at the Akron University JAG arena. Wow they really packed them in. 


Anyway, once the graduation was over we all filed out in front of the main entrance to wait for my nephew and other family members so we could take a few pictures then head to the restaurant where we enjoyed a wonderful meal.


As we stood waiting I could smell someone smoking. I was surprised because I didn't think it was allowed on the campus, but anyway I saw a circle of a few people, like 4 over against the building smoking. One gal was desperately shuffling through her bag to find a lighter. She looked as though she was having a panic attack.


I could relate.


I remember all those times at different events that I could not WAIT for it to be over or have an excuse to leave and go smoke. How pathetic I was.

I recalled different times driving in my car digging through my purse, my seat, between the seat...anywhere...trying to find a lighter. 


I recalled disposing of a finished cigg  out the car window only for it to blow back in because I had forgotten to roll up the back window. Then panicking because I was sure my car would catch fire and explode, so I would frantically find a place to pull over and find the nasty thing.


I am ever so happy to be done with those times and now enjoy the events throughly that I attend. My car smells fresh, I smell fresh and I have the freedom I always saw in others that I always thought I could never be strong enough to fight for.


But......ALL of you Ex'ers have given my my strength and I have protected my quit and will continue us to do so. You taught me how. Elders and Newbies. You keep me focused and grateful. You taught me about choices. You taught me not to get complacent ..


I cannot afford to. I never want to ever have to start this over again.


I have arrived at Freedom and I plan to hang on tight.


I choose to leave desperation behind. He's not welcome around my campfire any longer. Enjoy the rest of your smokefree weekend, I know I will.