Maki

Self absorbed in addiction

Blog Post created by Maki on May 3, 2020

I was in denial for so long . I liked smoking sometimes , I enjoyed it sometimes . I smoked for many reasons and another was for relaxation or reward . I saw no reason to change . I was healthy ..... or so I thought .

 

As the years went by I noticed subtle things like a cough and breathing difficulty. I was getting sick even more . I was always struggling with bronchitis , pneumonia and infections and it was getting worse . 

I blamed it all on Asthma / which was partly true...but blaming that breathlessness on just it being asthma made me feel ashamed . I knew it was more . I knew something wasn't right , but if I didn't acknowledge the truth I could keep smoking . So I did and quietly , silently smoking continued to take my breath away . 

I continuously lied to myself to protect smoking and while I was feeding myself lies smoking was slowly making me more sick .

 

“I needed to quit.. I knew it but I so wanted to live in my denial and so wanted to believe I was hurting no one .

 

I never truly looked at what the consequences of my smoking meant to others . I never thought my children were scared that mom might die from smoking . 

 

I was so self absorbed in my addiction to manage normal stress that life was passing by .  I was truly selfish to think my smoking never hurt anyone ! My kids never had a voice as children . They had no choice but to second hand smoke .

Today my Grandchildren have a non smoking Grandma and my grown children have a non smoking mom . 

 

 I . M.  So Grateful I faced denial.

 

Lets get FREE ...... Everyone ..... WE can DO IT. 

Admittance is the first step . Thats strength ! From there its one step at a time .

We are never alone .

We have the Ex community backing us .  

Outcomes