When I quit smoking I told myself I didn't have a choice to smoke . Like many I used smoking to cope with stressful times . If I got over those stressful times I breathed a sigh of relief and smoked .
Quitting smoking sent me on a self discovery project .
Every hour of every day was first spent in thought about quitting and about smoking .
The physical response to craves were the need to satisfy them ; those kept my addiction alive .
Then it was the want to keep it alive .
It was a battle of the mind ; a tug of war game after game , battle after battle .
I didn't see the third party in all of this ... the one watching me struggle so bad when I didn't have to .... yet waited patiently for me to see it ; patiently for me to realize this wasn't about control ... it was surrendering .
Change of thought didn't happen in my brain first ; it happened in my heart .
It began with love .
Maki
