Saturday morning

[LarryG]

2014 Levant, Maine.  This was our back yard then, and it was just after large snow storm.

It's a bit warmer today, not too much, but a little.  I'll take my daughter out later this morning.

Successfully being in an intimate partnership with another human requires a dynamic toolbox of communication skills. Whenever we are emotionally triggered by something our loved one has said or done, the first step is to actually notice that we have become upset, so that we can pause before reacting. We can take a moment to center ourselves and communicate to the other person that we have been triggered. Before engaging in a conversation with our partner, we need to first inquire within what our upset might be about, especially as it relates to earlier wounding.

By self-calming in the moment, we optimize the chances of not falling down the rabbit hole of unskillful responses. This is challenging, difficult work, but ultimately it is what will free us from conditioned and habitual responses with each other—reactions that only keep us stuck and in conflict. Clarifying, listening, making requests rather than demands, taking a time-out, or expressing affection even in the midst of turmoil are all ways that keep us moving forward. The pull of our past patterns of using substances to escape when triggered may be strong, but we now know better and can call on our support systems when situations with a partner are particularly demanding.

Conflict and getting triggered are normal in any close relationship, and I need to respond skillfully.

From: Cornerstones, Daily Meditations......