Mornings are the hardest for me over here

Blog Post created by JessicaF on Aug 2, 2017

I miss my little morning friends! I realized a few years back that my morning cigarettes were what got me to get out of bed in the morning, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised that it's what I miss the most. It's hard - I used to get up so nice & early in order to beat the kids & enjoy my morning coffee & smokes & now it's very hard to find a reason to leave my cozy bed. 


I can't believe this is only day 11. I feel like it should be so much longer  Like it's not something I'm trying to do anymore, but something I've already done. Definitely still getting cravings (naptime is my 2nd hardest time of the day next to the mornings), but I don't feel it's an option to do anything to satisfy them. Like right now is basically the only time of day I could go to the store; kids & hubby still sleeping, I could sneak down to the store, smoke my face off & still have time for a shower & to brush my teeth before anyone even woke up. But I just don't feel like that's an option. And I don't ever EVER want to go through that first week of withdrawals again. And I have to admit: whatever all this nasty junk is that I'm coughing up is starting to gross me out. How long will *that* last?


I don't mean to sound cocky/arrogant, but I feel the only way I could relapse at this time would be if I was at a bar with a friend of mine & she had her smokes out on the table. I could see myself throwing everything away in that scenario. Luckily, despite what I previously believed (see last blog post), I do not have any friends to hang out with. And it's not a reason to feel sorry for myself! It's like God Himself handcrafted this quit perfectly JUST for me. I never could have/would have quit if I hadn't lost my job back in March. And the people I worked with were the only people I ever hung out with/smoked with. Now the ONLY people I see every day, Monday through Friday, are my husband & kids. None of whom smoke or want me to smoke. It's like my own little quit smoking inpatient rehab, as far as the isolation goes. If I was still leaving the house every weekend for work, I'm pretty certain I never would have even thought of quitting smoking. Or if I had, I wouldn't have been successful. I think maybe my old smoking friends/coworkers were holding me back from making new friends here in town, too. And that's something I've been desperate to do ever since we moved here. I think I was always self conscious when meeting new people (I'm mostly talking about other parents from my daughter's school) because the fear was always, "Gasp! What if they find out that I smoke?" That shouldn't be a concern anymore & with my job being obsolete, I can participate in school activities a bit more. Get to know people a bit more. 


Looking forward to my first smoke free vacation next week!