O my gosh, do I feel so much better from 4 days ago. I feel like I'm human again. Today is day 51, and I finally feel like I have somewhat control of my thoughts, and when the cravings come I no longer worry If that weird, terrible feeling will last forever. I had one yesterday at work and I tried using the box breathing method, which sort of helped, but what really helped was knowing that it wasn't going to last forever. I was in pure misery, on the brink of ingesting any kind of nicotine to feel relief 4 days ago, and as of now I am confident that I'll never touch that garbage again. I still lack focus and energy, and am in a fowl mood half of the day, but I don't feel like I'm on auto pilot just watching myself do stuff. I have less weird thought of just dumb stuff and interactions. I have been ATTEMPTING to be more straight forward with people and less anxious.
I have been spending the money I would've wasted on juice, pods, and other garbage on new clothes and shoes. Which, I love because The clothes and shoes don't disappear in a week and need repurchasing, and I can resell the clothes. These things have actual value. With a little bit of distance from being addicted, I cannot believe how easily I slipped into addiction and went along the whole time thinking I wasn't. Just wasting so much money that I didn't bat an eye at on this stupid addiction. I am now saving money for a truck. Something used with a lot of miles, but nonetheless my own vehicle. I've already saved 300$ and its only day 51. Now I just have to get on a diet and get back in the gym as soon as it reopens