Today was day 48, and as I write this, the first good one in what felt like eternity. It started off rough. I had to work at 9 A.M which might be late for some, but I always have a difficult time waking up. I woke up with enough time, and got through work. After work I had a tele-visit with my doctor. I told him how difficult of a time I have been having and the terrible anxiety I've been experiencing. He prescribed me Wellbutrin and nicotine gum. I told him I don't really plan on using the gum, but he insisted that I have it for bad cravings. I don't want to become addicted to Gum, and would like to stay far away from nicotine.
Does Anyone have advice on the Gum?
Overall, today has been a relief, and I am enjoying it as much as possible. It feels like much needed relaxing. I don't know why I feel so much better today. I was having a really rough time yesterday and called my best friend who I haven't spoken to in a while, because of college and such. We probably talked for an hour and a half about everything I was going through and feeling, and I do feel like a weight has been lifted, not necessarily off my chest but my brain. He just let me know that he had some of the same worries and feelings and he hasn't used nicotine, which sounds weird but was comforting. I also called a tobacco help line yesterday in my panic, and would like to let you guys know they're the opposite of help. I told the lady on the other end what I was feeling and how long it had been (at the time 47 days), and she kept telling me that I should feel fine by now and that something must be wrong. Hearing that sent me spiraling. The only helpful thing she did was give me the number of a Nicotine Anonymous helpline that was answered by an automated message, disappointed, but optimistic I left my phone number and name. A nice woman who was a former addict called me today and we talked for about thirty minutes. This conversation gave me great reprieve, while I have no intention in joining their group, I am extremely glad I left my number.
If there is any advice I feel I can give it's that you just have to keep going. I know there are more difficult days to come, but I can't believe I made it out of these past few days without going back. Thanks everyone who has helped me get to this point!