What a wild couple of days in Dian's Journey of Self-Discovery! I am sitting here laughing and shaking my head at myself. Yep, I know everything alright....NOT. So I have a whole new Preparation to Quit plan. My quit date is still 7/2, but if I feel I am ready before then and I feel the activities of the day will support my goal, then I may move that up. I continually make changes in my prep; adding and subtracting things for my quit kit and changing the way I handle smoking leading up to the big day. Changes I have made regarding my current smoking:
- If I need a pack of cigarettes, I will walk or ride my bike to the store that is only 1.2 miles away and right off a bike path. If I want to smoke, I'm gonna make myself work for it! The only reason I will drive is if I am about to physically or mentally do harm to another person and it is unsafe to walk/ride.
- I will not smoke with the patch on. If it doesn't re-adhere, I will change it and waste that patch. This will irritate me because I want to keep the money I save from not smoking and drinking to do fun and cool things.
- Now that I am healed from my COPD exacerbation and not worried about stressing my body out by losing weight, I have begun exercising again. I will exercise in some form everyday!
- I will continue to delay the craving satisfaction until I feel like I cannot handle it any longer.
- I will continue to make smart, mindful choices with nutrition. I mainly need to focus on taking in enough calories to support the exercise I do that day.
I did something today that the old Dian (pre-hospitalization) would have never dreamed of doing. I went to church. I have not been to church for probably 30 years, except to attend weddings, funerals, baptisms, etc. Had some experiences that left a bad taste in my mouth and never really felt comfortable there afterwards. My dear Aunt sent me an email last week suggesting I read some literature from Unity. I'm like, okay, what will it hurt and it's only polite as she is just trying to help. As I am checking out the website I am realizing that these guys are really close to how I feel about spirituality. So I decide to go check them out this morning. They have two services, one is meditative and one is upbeat with a band. I chose the meditative one as I felt that would most mirror where I am right now. Don't want to drone on, but I found a home! This place and the people are awesome!
This makes me think about how I believe people and situations are placed into our paths that we can either ignore or examine. Upon examination, we can determine whether or not they are a good fit and support our journey. I have been so fortunate over the past month to have been in a place where I could see what was in my path, examine it with a clear mind and be receptive to the messages. If I had never gotten sick with a cold, I would be sitting outside or in the garage right now, smoking, drinking and reading doing my hiding from the world and all my pain routine. Being present in my own life is so much better. I really can't remember feeling like this before, but I know I must have at some time, because I recognize some of the feelings. I do think I haven't been this clear and mentally healthy in well over 17 years. I have had good times during that period, but I don't remember being so focused on making myself the best me for me and my loved ones. Not for a guy, or a job or because it was what I thought I should do. This is ultimately for me. Working on me will naturally have a positive effect on those I care for, if for no other reason than I am happy. I smile and I am more present. In fact, I am so happy I am quite sure I annoy people. I am trying to be more mindful of others and tone down my giddiness when interacting with others. Perpetually happy people still annoy me, so I don't want to be like them. The other emotions are healthy too!
Thanks again all for your support. Thank you to the person or people who came up with the idea of this site and those that continue to maintain the site and facilitate our journey to become free of our nicotine addiction. There will never be a way to repay you.
Have an awesome evening!