DemonaXL

Getting my tools together

Blog Post created by DemonaXL on Nov 29, 2017

So I have started dipping my toes in the water of Quit, by taking 5 cigarettes out of the pack and only taking those to work.  Start weaning myself before my quit date.  I have bought shampoo for carpets, febreeze for the upstairs (my husband will still smoke in the basement, which worries me), but I can only heal myself.  

 

I have been racking my brain to figure out something to do to get me out of the house and occupied...the answer was right in front of me!  So these poor three victims are going to go through training!  I went out and bought training leashes and training treats and the walking and training regime will commence.  I have been walking them when time would allow, but now that I think of all the times, I set my big butt down on the couch and saw the pleading look in their eyes.  "No Mama, don't smoke, let's go play!"  I ignored them.  I put it down to stress and acted like they really didn't mind.  Well, that freakin stops now!

 

I am throwing out all the ashtrays in the upstairs.  I'm going to miss spending the morning with my husband, but my dogs are going to LOVE early morning walks.  Especially my shepard Lala, she loves these cool morning.  I am going to corner the market on celery and natural peanut butter  and carrots and lots of gum.

 

I have contacted Guidance Resources at my work and spoken with the Smoking Cessation Coach assigned to me.  She will contact me every week to chart my progress with my Quit.  This will also enable me to receive Chantix and no cost to myself.  It will also allow me to have the gum as necessary.  I would rather do it without the gum or patches, as that doesn't really seem like a quit to me.  When I quit drinking alcohol, they didn't tell me to just go to beer or wine instead of vodka (lol), so the A.A.er in me says we have to face this head on the same way I did alcohol and drugs.

 

In a way, this kinda makes addiction a blessing for me.  All those A.A. meetings (which participation will probably go up also), have helped me to retrain my mind as far as "stinkin thinkin" goes.  I know how to define triggers, I know how to define situations that will cause triggers, I know the safe place to go (meetings and sponsors (you guys are all my sponsors now!) and I know how to back myself off that ledge, instead of taking the plunge.  The tools that I have carried with me through out my life from A.A., have come in handy in so many situation.  I have used them in situations that didn't EVEN involve alcohol or drugs.  It taught me how to retrain my mind and stop giving in the darker side of myself, that doesn't really LIKE myself and wants to punish myself.  It taught me how to take notice of the good in me and how to use that good for the benefit of others.  It taught me how to drop my pride and ask for help before falling off the wagon.  Most of all it taught me how to like ME.  It sounds like an easy thing to do, but it isn't.  Especially when guilt drives you to do self destructive things, so you can participate in the ritual of punishment by drug or alcohol use.  Then you do the drugs or drink, then you feel guilty, then you punish yourself by guilt, which drives you to drink and "wash, rinse, repeat".  Time to break another cycle, and feel better about myself by doing something positive.  Nothing good every really came out of punishing yourself (I'm Italian descent, so trust me I know guilt).  Only pushing yourself positively can make the change that has to come and it has to come from within.

 

I have to do this to be a better example for my friends, my son and hopefully my husband.  I will do this for myself, to live longer, to enjoy life and not feel like a segregated part of society.

 

I love a good project and folks, I think I have found one!

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