I haven't blogged in a while, I've backed off looking at this site daily because reading relapse posts by people who smoked again were messing with my head. I decided I'm a non-smoker, I don't need any other ideas in my foggy brain. I'm a ball illogical and irrational feelings. I feel really good, then I feel really bad, then I feel crazy, then I swing the other way, I'm a roller coaster. And that's all okay, it's temporary.
I have to continue to remind myself that my feelings ARE NOT facts!!!! The fact is I have chosen life for the last 28 days, 12 hours, and 33 minutes. The FACT is that I can breath easier AND physically I feel better. Even my skin feels better. The fact is my teeth are whiter, I know for sure on this because the one front fake tooth I have is not getting whiter so it's really obvious. The fact is I have saved nearly $200 since I started living 28 days ago. The fact is that the next time I go to the dentist I won't have to be embarrassed because of the radical nicotine stains on my teeth. I've had the same dentist for years and every single time she says something about how I need to quit smoking. The fact is I haven't had to hide at any social events to suck down a cigarette then worry that I stink like an ashtray when I go back to the function. The fact is that I had family visiting for a few days last week and I got to spend undistracted time with them, I didn't spend anytime plotting or planning when I would be able to sneak away to smoke. The fact is I'm far less likely to continue to have female issues and back issues and stomach issues as a non-smoker. The fact is my fingers are no longer stained that gross burnt yellow color. The fact is I've been drinking a lot more water because it turns out I usually had a coke or flavored drink to mask the disgusting cigarette smell. The fact is that each of the cravings or temptations I've experienced, of varying strengths, have passed and after I'm SO GRATEFUL to continue as a non-smoker.
My feelings, on the other hand, teeter between extreme gratitude for the facts above and many others I didn't list and the three bummers I've experienced since I started living. Bummer number one, I'm still struggling with regular bathroom habits. I do have a solution, which I previously posted about, but have been inconsistent and thus received inconsistent results. Bummer number two, I'm way less productive at work. My brain fog is lifting for sure but I'm still not functioning at 100%. Bummer number three, the weekends are hard. I don't know what to do with myself. I guess I can have a hobby now that I am not wasting my weekend's chain-smoking. Hobby TBD.
As you can see here the facts are my non-smoking life is far more kick-ass than my smoking life. The few obstacles that I am walking through as a new non-smoker are moderately inconvenient but temporary. I plan to stay the course and look forward to the future!
Here's my reminder to anyone who is an EX smoker....stick to the facts!