Moving forward.

[Christine13]

Slowly trying to move forward one day at a time.  Each day alone here has been a challenge to get through.

I am doing ok, but my Birthday was another 1st without Brian and it was wonderful but bittersweet too.

I have already had my share of firsts this year.  His Birthday, his two grandson's Birthdays, Valentine's day,

my Birthday.  Next is St. Patty's Day and Easter.  Each day I wake up I know I have to continue on one day at a time,

without him, and without the smokes.  The only way out for me is through, with life and stopping smoking.  Making this quit my last.  I can't believe I am alone here and free from the sickness he had and all the caregiving I did for so long.

I would do it all again.  I am feeling all my raw emotions no more pushing them down with the smokes.  I want to move on, I want this pain to stop, I want him back!!!  The reality is - he's not coming back.  I try and do things to stay busy, and distracted and sometimes I am a clock watcher and wait for the evenings when my friends call me, and to go to bed with another day won.  I know this is kind of depressing, and maybe that's how I feel today, depressed.