Slowly trying to move forward one day at a time. Each day alone here has been a challenge to get through.
I am doing ok, but my Birthday was another 1st without Brian and it was wonderful but bittersweet too.
I have already had my share of firsts this year. His Birthday, his two grandson's Birthdays, Valentine's day,
my Birthday. Next is St. Patty's Day and Easter. Each day I wake up I know I have to continue on one day at a time,
without him, and without the smokes. The only way out for me is through, with life and stopping smoking. Making this quit my last. I can't believe I am alone here and free from the sickness he had and all the caregiving I did for so long.
I would do it all again. I am feeling all my raw emotions no more pushing them down with the smokes. I want to move on, I want this pain to stop, I want him back!!! The reality is - he's not coming back. I try and do things to stay busy, and distracted and sometimes I am a clock watcher and wait for the evenings when my friends call me, and to go to bed with another day won. I know this is kind of depressing, and maybe that's how I feel today, depressed.